|
Home / Relationships
Fears Of A New Relationship
By:Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.
After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie’s fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again.
Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again.
Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions. So here they are – some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:
1. Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person’s feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person’s feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.
2. Make a solid decision before getting together with the other person that you are willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. Make a conscious decision to NOT make the other person’s wants, needs and feelings more important than your own.
3. Stay clear on your own truth, NOT letting the other person talk you in or out of what feels good and right for you.
4. Be willing to take full, 100% responsibility for behaving in a way that makes you feel worthy, safe and powerful. Be willing to be who you really are rather than trying to impress. Make a conscious decision that being in integrity with who you really are, is more important than getting the other person’s approval.
5. Do NOT disregard the big or small things that you find difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If something is unacceptable or intolerable to you early in the relationship, the chances are that it is not going to get better. Do NOT convince yourself that, because there are so many good things about this person, you can overlook the problems or get the other person to change. This NEVER works!
Fears of rejection can emerge very early in a relationship. Some people are terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected, because they make they other person responsible for their feelings of worth and lovability. The fear of rejection can lead a person to give him/herself up to the other person, thereby touching off fears of engulfment – of loving oneself and being controlled or consumed by the other person. Thus, fears of loss – loss of self or loss of other – often surface quickly and people find themselves either giving in or pulling away in their efforts to protect themselves from their fears.
If you allow fear to guide you, you will likely either pull away or end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing to remember as you move into exploring a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE YOUR GUIDE, NOT FEAR. This means that you need to be open to learning about what is most loving to YOU – what is really in your highest good – rather than trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled by the other person. So, number six is:
6. Keep asking your inner wisdom, “What is the loving action toward myself right now? What is in my highest good right now?”
If you keep asking this vital question, you will find your way through exploring a new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person.
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: relationships, relationship advice, relationship help, fear, fear of rejection, love, dating
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
| Top Relationships Articles |
- 1). Nurturing friendships By : CD Mohatta
When we plant a tree, we take care of that plant from the smallest stage of growth. We not only nurture that plant with water, air and fertilizers, but also protect it from any damage. Friendship is one such plant. One has to take care of friends, as one takes care of the plants, one grows.
Most of us take friendship for granted. We believe that friends are always there, whenever we need them.
|
|
|
- 3). Body Language Secrets You Should Know By : Royane Real
Even when you don’t say a word, other people can still learn a lot about what kind of person you are and what you are thinking and feeling.
How do other people do this? By studying your body language.
The term body language refers to the messages you send out with your body gestures and facial expressions.
Some body language experts claim that only about 7% of our messages to other people are communicated through the words we speak.
|
- 4). How To Make A Relationship Last? By : CD Mohatta
For a relationship to last, there are few basic requirements. The rapidity with which relationships are breaking in the modern days is a matter of concern and we should try to find out how to make a relationship that lasts for a long time. The major factors that affect the survival of a relationship are as below -
Selection Of Partner - Sometimes, our selection of partner may be wrong.
|
- 5). Happy Friendship By : CD Mohatta
How to have happy friends? This is a very important question. Who likes friends who don't smile and laugh? Who enjoys meeting friends who look serious? Not any one of us.
What about ourselves? Do we make happy friendships? Do we make our friends happy? Before thinking about others, wouldn't it be better if we first analyze our own selves? Do we smile.
|
- 6). Tips In Solving Relationship Problems By : Dana Goldberg
It can not be denied that relationships have been considered as the source of a loving relationship that is full of support, enthusiasm and pleasure, whether the relationship is in the family or to somebody you are intimately in love with. And we would like to experience such a relationship to last until death. Hence, we exert so much effort in order to nurture and to make it perfect if possible.
|
- 7). How well do you know your own eyes? By : Pradeep Aggarwal
A quote
The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories that it has become to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet in this way that love begins and in this way only. The rest is only the rest, and comes afterwards. Nothing is more real than these great shocks, which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.
|
|
|
|
|
- 10). Erotic Hypnosis By : Abbas Abedi
A Little Romance Can Enhance Your Love Life
Nothing can enhance your love life better than a little romance. Enhancing your love life is something that every long term relationship eventually requires. Sooner or later your love life will be affected by the regular stresses of everyday life and many other factors that may make your love life seem lacking.
|
| New Relationships Articles |
|
|
|
|
|
|
- 4). 99 Days Left Until the NFL and Love Kickoff - Are You Ready By : Jaci Rae
With pre-season here and the NFL kickoff around the corner many men and women will have their love life tested. How will they survive? Jaci Rae, author of Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time - How to Score for Men and Women has the answers.
|
- 5). How Relationship Disagreements Can Make You Closer By : Donna LeBlanc
If you are like me, you’ve found yourself standing in the aftermath of a firestorm called a fight. You feel burned, damaged. Bitterness has taken root. Your heart, once open, is now closed—protected behind armor so you can’t be hurt again. Although you bury the pain, it smolders like a burning ember and pollutes your love or marriage relationship forever.
|
|
|
- 7). Pheromones To Attract Man By : Peter Vermeeren
Male Female Attraction through Pheromones
The only way the lower living beings like ants, butterflies, birds, dogs or even a tiger can communicate is through pheromones. The pheromones are the way they communicate as they cannot communicate through oral or written word. The communication starts when the particular species it at its very best to procreate and ends when the species is not in a position to attract the opposite sex.
|
- 8). Friendship Test- Do Friends Love Talking To You? By : CD Mohatta
You must be having a large group of friends. You also deal with many people in your job or business. You interact with people at every stage of your life. Do you find that you love talking to one person and avoid talking to another? You must have noticed that. What is the difference between these two persons? Why do you enjoy talking to one of them and avoid talking to another? What about yourself? Have you thought about that?
We enjoy talking to people who have the following qualities -
Listening - Good communicators are good listeners.
|
- 9). Relationship Test - Are You Continuing Without Pleasure? By : CD Mohatta
A relationship should be like a flowing river. Fresh, moving around and finding ways around obstacles. Enjoying a relationship should never be like a still pond of water that just exists. A relationship should have life and should never be a compromise.
But many relationships become like a pond. They began like river but are now stationary wondering where to go, and whether to exist at all.
|
- 10). Relationship Test - Are You Happier Being Alone? By : CD Mohatta
Many of us are of the types who are happy being alone. If such persons enter into any relationship it will invariably fail. Such loners want to be left alone and want no responsibility of others nor want others to take any responsibility of their. Are you one of them? Have you thought about this? Let us find out more.
What are the main characteristics of such people? The first is total independence.
|
|
|
