EFT and Self-esteem - Inspirational/Motivational Article

By:Robert Elias Najemy

The goal of improved self-esteem or feelings of self-worth is a process that requires a more methodical and dedicated process than overcoming most phobias.

As with other goals, this must be approached by dealing with its obstacles. A list of possible obstacles is listed below to assist you. Use this list to aid you, but not to limit you. You may have obstacles, which are not on this list.

The first step is to determine our main obstacles towards accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We need to root out any feelings which obstruct us from feeling that we deserve a good, healthy and happy life with wonderful relationships, economic well being and professional satisfaction.

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

A. Social programming - illusion

We have been falsely programmed by society to believe that our self-worth is dependent on many external factors. Thus we tend to doubt our self-worth and loose our self-esteem in some of the following situations. Seek to determine in each case which emotions are created within you in the each situation. We will then employ EFT for those emotions. I would suggest that you start with the aspect, which is most intense for you at this time of your life.

1. When others criticize or reject you.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others accept and love me.)

2. When others are more able than you at certain tasks or more endowed with certain qualities. (i.e. Intelligence, wealth, home, appearance, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children’s success, being attractive to the opposite sex, making friends, disciplines, "spiritual" activities.) (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only I am better than others are concerning _______).

3. When you have made a mistake.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do not make mistakes)

4. When you do not have the results you believe you should have had after some effort.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I succeed / when others recognize my success)

5. When others attract more attention, esteem and respect in a group situation.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am more important that others to others)

6. When you do not have someone who loves you exclusively, in ways in which he or she does not love anyone else.
(Belief: I am worthy only when I have someone who loves me exclusively)

7. When you are not perfect. (Perfect house, perfect appearance, never make mistakes)

8. When you do not get many things done in one day.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do and accomplish many things)

9. When you are not "strong" or when you show "weakness."
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am strong and show no weakness)

10. When others:
a. Do not agree or
b. Are not satisfied with your (parents, spouse).
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others agree with me and are satisfied with me.)

11. When others ask you for help and you do not say "yes". Or do not respond.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I say yes and will lose their love if I say no)

12. When others have offered more to you than you have offered to them.
(Belief: He who gives is worthier than he who receives is)

13. When people do not trust you or confide in you.
(Belief: I am worthy and pure only if others trust me)

14. When people lie to you or use you or laugh at you.
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only if I am respected and I lose my self-worth when others do not behave properly to me.)

15. When others are able to manipulate you or are not as conscientious as you.
(Belief: I lose my self worth when I work more than others or when I work for them, without receiving back what I should.)

16. Because you are born female in a culture which gives more importance to males.

17. Because your parents did not want a child and you felt that you were a burden on them.

Other _______________________________

B. Matter of conscience

*18. When you have "created" pain for others.
(Belief: I am evil if I others have experienced pain as a result of my actions.)

*19. When you are not in harmony with your conscience.
(Belief: I am not a good person and not worthy of love when I do anything which is not in harmony with my conscience.)

*Other _______________________________

*These require a different process -

Note: Forgiving and loving ourselves does not mean that we allow ourselves to do whatever we want regardless of whether it is unjust or unethical. We need to recognize our inherent spiritual nature, but at the same time seek to align ourselves with our highest values and ethics.
This should be done steadfastly but also with as much love and understanding towards ourselves as possible.

Employing EFT

Having determined our impediments towards feeling self-esteem in certain situations, we can then choose the first obstacle we want to work with. It is best to work with the one, which is most intense and bothersome.

It is very likely that, as we work on bringing down the disturbance associated with each obstacle, other aspects will surface, especially childhood traumas or experiences, which have been programmed in us.

Naturally we will flow with and work on these aspects, but we must always have in mind "pending matters" and go back to them once we have collapsed the aspects that have come up.

We start by focusing on the emotion or belief, which is preventing us from recognizing, and experiencing our inherent self-worth as an equal aspect of creation. We then measure the SUD and move on to the set up.

The Set Up

Note: We use two phrases when doing the set up.
Feel free to adapt these phrases to suit your personal needs.

A. We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap the side of the hand) repeating phrase "A" three times.

B. Then we repeat phrase "B" three times while rubbing the on the sore spot on the other side (or tapping on the side of the other hand).

C. Then we repeat the "C" reminder phrase while tapping on the 12 points.

In the case of false social programming or false conclusions from childhood or traumatic experiences, we can use these affirmations.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when/ because _____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
A.2. Even though until now I have felt (the emotion) _______ (perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when/ because _____ (reason), I now realize that, as an expression of the divine, my being itself is my self-worth and is independent of external factors.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) ______ when / because _____ (reason)

Matters of Conscience

In the case of matters of conscience we will first want to employ the upper affirmations in order to accept and love ourselves as souls in an evolutionary process exactly as we are, even with our mistakes and egoism.

Then, however, we will want also to discover the emotions, needs and beliefs which have caused us to behave in ways which we would prefer not to and would not like other to do to us.

Once we discover the fears or pain causing us to act in these undesirable ways, we can employ EFT on them to remove them and, thus, become free from the causes of our possibly unethical or unconscious behavior.

Here we use the same process to collapse the feelings, which cause us to act in ego-centered ways.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps fear, anger, guilt, pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when/ because _____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (the emotion) _______ (perhaps fear, anger, guilt, pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when/ because _____ (reason), I am now free to behave with love and truth.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) ______ when / because _____ (reason)

One By One

As we remove these obstacles towards self-esteem, one by one, we begin to gradually notice that we are not as vulnerable as before. We accept ourselves more. We do not feel hurt and do not misinterpret others so easily. We speak more honestly, expressing our needs and feelings. We love more easily and steadily. We are more comfortable with ourselves and others.

I usually like to challenge people when they tell me that they do not feel the negative emotion any more, by asking them why. I want to see how much this new perception has become integrated into their belief system. There answers usually show a clear change in perception. In a few people, this may register later on.

It is very likely that, in some cases, we will need to work on childhood experiences.

In closing this article, I would like to encourage us all to work diligently on this so important aspect of our lives. Our relationship with ourselves is the basis of all other relationships – with others, life and God. Only by loving ourselves can we really love others and create happiness.

I would suggest three rounds a day for this so important issue, moving from one obstacle to the other as they are collapsed and others appear.
Below you will find some useful affirmations concerning self-worth

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Article keywords: EFT, energy psychology, self-esteem, self-acceptance

Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
Over 600 free article and lectures at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/