It�s never about the sex.

In my work with relationships, it became very clear to me that people�s feelings about

the quality of their sexual relationship is a fantastic guide to the quality of their

relationship. My work is about opening up a conversation that needs to happen for

growth to occur. Whether that�s between me and my client or my client and their

partner, it�s always beneficial. I know that a relationship isn�t purely about the sex but

it does tend to be the first thing to give way when a couple starts to struggle. The

mistake that most of us make, myself included, is then to get fixated on the sex being

the issue. It rarely is, in fact some people have gone as far as to suggest that it�s never

about the sex.

In preparing for a seminar, I was trying to find a good way to illustrate how great sex

is 95% behaviour and 5% technique and I was reminded of a piece of research I came

across regarding first impressions. One of the things I coach people on is dating skills

and a client recently asked me � How do I make a good impression, what do I say?�

Talk about barking up the wrong tree. Do you know that 64% of what people

perceive about you is how you look as you say what you say, 30% is how you say

what you say and only 6% is what you say? Yet many of us obsess about what we

should say or worse, what we did say. Relax, no one is really listening, they�re too

busy checking out your shoes.

So back to sex�when the relationship begins to get stuck in a power struggle (and

this is a natural occurrence) the sex begins to tail off and we start looking for the

manuals about how to make sex great again. It�s pretty much a total waste of time to

approach it this way and generally leads to greater resentment and frustration. A better

approach is to suspend judgment for a while and ask yourself if it isn�t about the sex

what�s really going on?

Which brings me to my tag line �There�s more to sex than just sex!�

� Copyright 2002 by Michael Myerscough �The Great Sex Coach�. All Rights

Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following

information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success

coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use

to become a success! Visit him at www.thegreatsexcoach.com and sign up for his free

newsletter.