An Open Letter To The American Granny

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Copyright 2006 Mike Patrick Jr, MD

Dear Granny,

We know you mean well. Really, we do. And we acknowledge that your well-meaning often translates into wonderful actions. You support America's first-time moms with your experienced advice, you volunteer to watch grandkids when they're too sick to attend daycare, and you have taken on the noble responsibility of raising grandchildren fulltime when their parents are sick or neglectful or imprisoned. What's more, you take on this job at a time when you should be enjoying the freedom of retirement. For these actions, we salute you. Really, we do.

However, it has come to our attention that at other times your well-meaning has turned into persistent nagging. In an effort to protect your grandchildren from the idiocy of their parents, you have gone overboard. Now before you dismiss our complaint as the ramblings of a bunch of disrespectful youngins, please allow us to describe a few concrete examples of the problem.

Let's start with diet. Could you please limit your complaints to once a month? We know full well that you believe Little Johnny is starving. But you know what? We don't share your concern. It's okay if you feel his ribs. In case you haven't noticed, there's a bit of a weight problem in America today. Surprised? You shouldn't be. After all, how many years did you pile on the food and tell us to clean our plates? Our pediatrician tells us it's healthy for toddlers to graze--as long as they get a healthy diet with all the food groups over the course of several days. Eating only when you're hungry and stopping when you're full is a good habit to foster. Feeling guilty about throwing out left-overs is not. Sure, there are starving kids in other parts of the world. You taught us that. What we didn't get was the connection between our table scrap and those starving kids. Were you going to box up the left-overs and send them to Africa? No. So please forgive us for skipping that lesson.

Next, let's talk feet. So what if they turn in or point out a little? We'll show our doctor and we'll let him do an examine. If he says they're fine, we're going with that, and we wish you would too. Look, we understand back in your day kids wore special shoes and braces to straighten out their feet. But lots of other kids didn't get those special shoes and braces. And you know what? Most of their feet straightened out just fine. Those that didn't straighten out completely had few long-term problems. Most could walk and run and jump and skip just fine. Our doctor will keep an eye on the feet, and if he's concerned he'll send us to an orthopedic specialist. You voiced your concern. We heard it. Now, please, drop it.

One more example: Ears. The infections aren't our fault. We don't smoke around Little Johnny, and he doesn't go to daycare anymore (since you agreed to watch him). Our pediatrician says those two things are the biggest ones we can control. The ear infections aren't from water or wind or change of weather. They're from mouth bacteria that get into the middle ear through the Eustachian tube, a natural connection between the throat and ear. Little Johnny has a floppy Eustachian tube. Bacteria go up the tube and get trapped when the tube flops closed. Add a little mucus from smoke or allergies or viral infections, and the situation gets worse. You can't get rid of the mouth bacteria--they're supposed to be there. Get rid of them and you'll invite thrush to grow, and we don't want that either. We'll keep doing the antibiotics as long as our doctor tells us to, and when he suggests surgery, we'll go with that. The antibiotics don't stain teeth or stunt growth. Sure, antibiotic resistance is a problem. We understand that. We appreciate your keeping up with the medical literature. Still, if our doc says it's best to stick with them, that's what we'll do.

As we draw this letter to a close, please understand our aim is not to offend. After all, you were an excellent parent. You raised us. You have lots of experienced advice to share. But let's face it, raising four kids is not the same as seeing 30-40 kids a day. Our pediatrician's advice wins over yours. You may not agree with him. That's fine. But please, let it go and stop nagging us.

Love always,

Your Children

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Article keywords: grandmother, toddler, eating, ears, toes, feet, pediatric, pediascribe, complaint

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Mike is an American pediatrician. Read more at www.pediascribe.com