|
Home / Family / Parenting
My Son’s Deployment
By:Kim Olver
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner.
A discussion of Inside Out cannot occur without me sharing some of my own personal struggles with the concept. Today is one of those days. I just learned that my nineteen-year-old son received his deployment orders. He just graduated from National Guard basic training last week and in less than two months, his Guard unit is being deployed for six months of training and then on to Iraq for a year.
Anyway, my son made a decision fairly early on that he wanted to join the military. This was a surprise to me because I believed that, generally, young men and women enter the military who have some type of role model in the military. Since there was no one in my or my husband’s family who was in the military, I believed my children would not have the inclination for military service. My son began talking about being a sniper for the Marines at around the age of sixteen. Imagine my terror, thinking of him in dangerous situations when I had spent all his life attempting to keep him safe---mostly safe from himself as he has quite a risk-taking personality.
Being a good Inside Out mother, I knew better than to try to talk him out of what he truly wanted, but secretly I’d hoped that by the time he was old enough to join the military, he would “come to his senses.” Now I’d like to say here that I totally support our troops. I know there are brave men and women putting their lives on the line for our safety and the ideal of freedom around the world, but as most mothers can relate, that’s OK for other children, just not mine! I’m well aware of the selfishness of that position, but it is what it is.
Over time, my son and I had some discussions about his future plans. He was raised in rural Pennsylvania and had been hunting with his father from the time he was three. He has a natural ability for marksmanship. He is incredibly courageous and loves a good physical challenge. With all of these attributes, I know he sounds like a poster boy for military service. Still, as his mother, I’d hoped he would change his mind.
I believe he made a concession to me when, just prior to his eighteenth birthday, he decided to join the National Guard, as opposed to the Marines. Part of his reasoning was that he wanted money for college but another part, in my opinion, was that he was just looking to prove himself as a man. I breathed a small sigh of relief thinking that he would be safer in the Guard. He would do his weekend a month and two weeks in the summer and have to respond to any situations in the US requiring armed service intervention. Was I ever wrong---along came the war in Iraq. I am not making any statements here about the efficacy of this war. I do not know if we are there because of weapons of mass destruction, terrorism or oil fields. I only know that our county’s young service men and women are being forever changed by their experiences there and I am afraid for my child.
Today, my son told me with trepidation that he received his orders and will be leaving soon for eighteen months. He seems a little apprehensive but also excited. This is what he’s been trained to do. I am very proud of the young man that he has become but am terrified of the possible ramifications. How can he come back from there being the same person I know now, or worse, what if he is wounded or killed over there?
All of this is going through my mind as I am writing but I know that I have to support him. I don’t want him leaving, feeling that I am not behind him 110%. What I truly want is for the war to be over, for this to be some mistake, for his unit to get stateside deployment, anything but for my child to be sent to Iraq as an infantryman on the front lines of the fighting. However, using Inside Out thinking, I have to first ask, what is within my power and control? I am not going to change the fact that my son is going to Iraq. Even if it were within my power to do so, he would not want to ignore his duty.
So, the only thing left on which to focus is how I can be the person I want to be in this situation that I can’t control or change. What are my priorities? My first priority is to let my son know how very proud of him I am and that I support his decisions. After all, it is his life to do with as he sees fit. I did my part by keeping him safe these 19 years. Now, it is his turn to decide how he will live and I want to support the man he has become. Secondly, I don’t want him to be worrying about how I am managing while he is away. And finally, I want him to know that I love him and will pray for his safety every day. These are all things within my control. How will I do it?
I find that whenever I am facing a particularly difficult situation, I attempt to look for the positives in it. In this situation there are many. My son is growing up and fighting for something in which he believes. He is developing principles that will guide his behaviors the rest of his life. His being in Iraq may help to save the lives of others. It will truly test his relationship with his girlfriend in determining whether or not they are truly committed to each other. And when I let myself think of the worst case scenario, which is him being killed there, I have come to remind myself that he will have died doing something he really wanted to do as opposed to living a long, unfulfilled life full of regret. If it comes down to it, will I be able to maintain that posture and position? I don’t know, but I do know that staying focused on Inside Out thinking will assist me in managing both my worry and my grief, if necessary.
If you find yourself in a similar situation and are looking for ways to stay sane or just the support of others going through the same thing, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Kim Olver has a degree in counseling, is a certified and licensed counselor. She is a certified reality therapy instructor. Kim is an expert in relationship, parenting and personal empowerment, working with individuals who want to gain more effective control of their lives and relationships. For more go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz/Parenting.php
|
|
| Top Parenting Articles |
- 1). Prevent Your Teenager From Becoming A Statistic By : Funky
Parents please don't be naive in thinking that your teenager is not having sex, the majority of teenagers are. We have to better educate our children on the risks of unprotected sex. This task may sound embarrassing for both you and your teenager but it must be done. Schools only scrape the surface when discussing unprotected sex, stating that they can catch STD's and fall pregnant; where they fail is by not shocking our teenagers with the realities of these subjects.
|
- 2). On-Line Business Using Baby Products By : Hege Crowton
Are you a stay at home parent who would very much like to earn some extra money but you don’t know how? Well the answer is right in front of you, your baby. This does not mean that you should make a business of your child but out of what you as a parent know a child needs.
|
- 3). Just What Is Colic – And Does My Baby Have It By : Sarah Veda
There are few things more nerve wracking than a crying baby, particularly when nothing you do seems to console him. But, how do you know when your baby’s symptoms have are just crying and when he has colic? And, just what is colic, anyway?
No one knows exactly what causes colic, though many old wives tales abound. Lots of older women will tell you.
|
- 4). Autism: What Causes It, And Can It Be Cured? By : Lisa Hyde
Autism is a disorder that is affecting more and more children. But many autistic children have been able to lead normal lives.
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterised by abnormal social interaction, communication ability, interest patterns, and behavior patterns. Autism is found to occur due to the vulnerability to environmental triggers displayed by the human genes.
|
- 5). Playing An Active Role In Your Children's Homeschooling By : Donna L. Miller
Homeschooling is an option that many parents choose when they feel that, for whatever reason, their child will not be getting the best education in a public or private school system. Homeschooling allows for a variety of curriculum and teaching techniques to be applied that suit your child's particular needs - often that is unlikely to happen in a large classroom setting.
|
- 6). Teaching a Child Responsible Behavior Begins at Home By : Lori S. Anton
Parents are teachers, too. When it comes to child rearing, one of the most important lessons a parent can teach their youngster is responsible behavior. This means helping the child learn how to interact with others in a way that displays self-respect, as well as respect toward others.
No child comes into this world pre-programmed with good manners and virtuous attributes such as a willingness to share, consideration for the feelings of others, respect for others possessions, respect for authority figures, and a selfless attitude.
|
- 7). A Gift To Be Remembered: Child Personalized Stationary By : Paolo Basauri
Benefits of Child Personalized Stationary
One of the best gifts you can give to a child that is just learning to write is child personalized stationary. Children love to be told that they’re special and personalized stationary is a concrete way to express that sentiment. Seeing their own name printed on child personalized stationary will fill a child with delight and wonder at the magic that you used to make it happen.
|
- 8). Potty Training –Not For The Faint Of Heart By : Sarah Veda
If you’ve determined that your child is ready for potty training, it’s time to take the plunge. It’s not easy, but don’t despair, your child will master potty training some time before kindergarten. It’s important to make sure you’re ready, too, because potty training requires a lot of commitment on the part of the Mom.
First, you need to make potty training a project.
|
- 9). Solving Baby Slep Problems - The Ferber Method By : Debbie Walker
Nothing can prepare new parents for the mind numbing weariness that comes with lack of sleep. A new baby may be tiny but the havoc they wreak to your sleep is huge. It can take work to establish good sleeping habits. One of the hardest things for your baby is to learn to fall asleep on his own.
I firmly believe that parents need to reclaim their evenings.
|
- 10). Why first borns fuss, seconds are resilient and youngests like to laugh By : Michael Grose
How can two or three children in the same family be so different? They are brought up in the same broad social environment, under a similar set of rules and an identical family value system. They also come from the same genetic pool yet they can be so different in personality, interests and achievement. While they may be born into the same family they are not born into the same position.
|
| New Parenting Articles |
- 1). Single Parent Adoption. Is It Worth? By : frederic lampard
In the last 20 years there has been a steady, sizable increase in the number of single-parent adoptions. Why would a successful, independent single man or woman want to give up his or her freedom and assume the responsibilities of raising a child?
|
- 2). What Every Parent Should Know By : Adam Henley
Being a parent is the most wonderful experience in the world but at times it can prove to be the most challenging as well. No matter how much you prepare and anticipate there will be many situations that will take you by surprise.
|
- 3). Making the Most of After School Time By : Rick Hendershot
Most parents realize that the time their children spend in school is only a relatively small part of their day, and that their education extends well beyond the six or so hours they spend in the classroom.
|
- 4). Show You Trust And It Will Be Returned By : Kadence Buchanan
Parenting is not something one should ever take lightly. Having children is a 24-hours business and taking good care of your kids is something you should invest time to study and learn; preferably not on their expense.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
- 8). Some Sources To Help You Find Adoption Grants By : Gregg Hall
Have you ever known a couple that would have made wonderful parents but they were unable to have children on their own? Did you wonder why they did not adopt children? It could have been because adoption is prohibitively expensive.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
