|
Home / Humor
Peace-Loving Muslim Located; Expresses Normal Human Concerns
By:Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Noting the way violent and irrational Muslims have dominated the news, while the Muslim masses and, most inexcusably, Muslim clerics have in general remained reticent about the scandalously murderous terrorist talk and the mayhem the lunatics advocate, we decided there must be, among the world’s billion or so Muslims, any number of normal, peace-loving and, on a wild bet, perhaps even modern-minded, acolytes. So we began our tireless search to see if we might find such a rare and wonderful countercurrent to the tide that is sweeping the Muslim religion ever more beyond the shoreline of what sane and civilized people consider blessed.
We’re delighted to tell you that, after an extensive search, we were, in fact, able to locate at least one such exceptional and distinguished soul. Obviously, there may be others out there, but they’re just not being visibly vocal, unless, of course, a cartoon shows up that they decide is offensive.
Where, you may ask, did we find our prize Muslim? Why, in the most appropriate of places – at Ground Zero, where he is employed as an engineer, working on rebuilding the area after the murderous and damnable crimes of 911. He invited us to meet him on the job, just so we could confirm with our own eyes that a Muslim would be involved in such a noble and redemptive construction process.
The following recounts our entirely delightful and encouraging interview with him, which, we hope, inspirits all to think the better of Muslims in general and, most especially, to persuade many another Muslim to follow in his savingly enlightened footsteps.
NewsLaugh: According to the questionnaire you were kind enough complete, you’re a peace-loving Muslim?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Yes, I am.
NewsLaugh: Good for you. We also understand you’re modern-minded.
Peace-Loving Muslim: I am, indeed.
NewsLaugh: Glad you meet you.
Peace-Loving Muslim: Glad to meet you, too.
NewsLaugh: Are you the only peace-loving and modern-minded Muslim or do you think there might be others?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Oh, there are millions of them, I assure you.
NewsLaugh: Really? Why don’t we ever hear from them?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Because peace-loving people usually don’t make news. They wake up and do things like go to work and feed the kids.
NewsLaugh: Yes, of course. We’re familiar with such activities ourselves. But why do Muslim clerics so seldom speak out about all the violent activities perpetrated in the name of Islam?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Some do, but I agree, they should be more out there. But you must understand that, since they are peace-loving, they might never shout as loud as Muslims – and I I even hesitate to call the most violent ones by the term Muslims – who aren’t. If you’ll notice, crazy people generally scream, while peaceful people are more like to carry on a conversation, like this one.
NewsLaugh: Yes, of course. But do you think some of them quietly suspect that the monsters perpetrating these crimes are on the side of Allah?
Peace-Loving Muslim: I hope not. I can’t imagine a truly religious person seeing Allah as being on the side of murder. But, of course, you have to allow for all possibilities. My own Muslim cleric is a very peaceful fellow who thinks that Osama and his cronies are madmen who are damaging our religion inexcusably.
NewsLaugh: Bless his insightful butt.
Peace-Loving Muslim: I’ll let him know you said that.
NewsLaugh: Where were you born?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Pakistan.
NewsLaugh: Oh, where Osama Bin Laden is supposedly hiding out.
Peace-Loving Muslim: I prefer to think of it as the country where President Mushararf is doing everything he can to help the US catch him.
NewsLaugh: Good point. You’re an engineer?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Yes, I am.
NewsLaugh: I suppose that means you’ve read a number of books besides the Koran. How did you manage to pull that splendid achievement off?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Well, I felt Allah gave me a brain, so He wanted me to use it. I was always good at math. There’s not a lot of math in the Koran. So I guess it didn’t interest Mohammad much. But even an elemental look at nature reveals that Allah works with math in ways that are so sophisticated everything happens in perfectly natural ways. The math never gets in the way; it accommodates all events, like the perfectly natural movement of waves. We should only know as much about math as Allah.
NewsLaugh: Well, to tell you the truth, there’s not that much math in any religious book I can think of. But that’s another interview. How did you become peace-loving? Reading the papers and watching the news, one gets the idea that Muslims, in general, are all a pretty violent and backward lot.
Peace-Loving Muslim: A lot are, I admit it. But that’s because a lot of them have erroneous ideas. I can’t say they have erroneous knowledge, because I don't believe there is such a thing as erroneous knowledge. I also don't believe a lot of knowledge is necessary to be peace loving. My parents, who have very little education, are very peaceful people. So it’s not a matter of education. It’s a matter of outlook. Either you think you serve Allah by killing other people or by loving them. I prefer the latter, and I think Allah prefers my conduct for that and, if He has prepared a paradise for us, peace-loving behavior is the most likely way to get there.
NewsLaugh: Well, it seems like a more logical approach, expecially since Allah or God by any other name made us all. How did you become modern minded.
Peace-Loving Muslim: Well, it was pretty easy. I grew up with my eyes and ears open. While the world around me was often backward, I knew about the world outside. I decided if it’s modern, that’s part of the potential Allah put in it, so I ought to adjust to it and, in fact, do my own best to help move it along. I think the modern world has blessed life with such inarguable enhancements as antibiotics and air conditioning.
NewsLaugh: What do you think the chances are that other Muslims will start to think like you?
Peace-Loving Muslim: Well, it depends on what they hear the loudest; the outside world, ranting at each other, or their inner voice telling them that they’re part of the whole, and, if they want to find a welcome place in the whole, they have to become a peaceful part of it. I think they also have to understand that Muslims running around blowing other people up are acting as if Muslims don’t have lives or property that can also be blown up. This is one reason why their actions are harmful. Every time a Muslim blows something or somebody up, we wonder how long it will be before non-Muslims decide to teach us that such behavior is not a one-way street.
NewsLaugh: Yes, we wonder about that, too, It seems to us that the world has been pretty tolerant so far.
Peace-Loving Muslim: To paraphrase you, bless their butts. Yet I can’t tell you how much fear peace-loving Muslims live in that the behavior of violent Muslims will result in damage to the nonviolent ones and their property.
NewsLaugh: Well, it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you. We’re glad to know that there is at least one peace-loving and modern-minded Muslim in the world. It gives us hope. May your way of thinking spread.
Peace-Loving Muslim: If it doesn’t, I may decide to become a Buddhist. I’ve been reading about their beliefs, and, if you have to believe in an ancient religion to make peace with life, it seems like a pretty good option.
Newslaugh: Well, it certainly is a more peaceful choice. We’d don’t hear of many Buddhists blowing up non-Buddhists. Whatever you decide, we wish you luck.
Peace-Loving Muslim: Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to rebuilding Ground Zero, It’s one of the ways I hope to make up for what Muslims who have shamed other Muslims have done.
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: humor, comedy, satire, political satire, laugh, joke, news, news laugh, newslaugh, laughs, laughter, spoof, spoofs, skit, skits
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."
|
|
| Top Humor Articles |
|
|
- 2). Sun Will Only Burn For 5 Billion More Years; Humans Express Concern By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
We are often reminded that the sun will only shine in a way that can support life way out here on the earth for only about another five billion years. Sensing the eventuality of the cataclysm, we’re easily inclined to express our concern, along with our sympathetic distress for those far-off folks who will be standing on the earth when old Father Sol begins to turn down the heat.
|
|
|
|
|
- 5). Ken Lay Explains Behavior With Poem From Childhood: "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep." By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Ken Lay, the famously charming Texan from dirt-poor beginnings, who rose to be the toast of Houston before Enron, the company he founded, became toast, finally took the stand this week and, as expected, performed in his winning manner.
He based his defense for the debacle that occurred under his chairmanship on a poem that he maintains has shaped his behavior since his mother first read it to him when he was just wee high to an oil pump.
|
- 6). Inner Peace By : Unknown
By following the simple advice heard on The Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.Dr.Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace
|
- 7). Hockey Summer Season; Will Be Played On Roller Skates By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Professional hockey associations, long mournful of the unfortunately seasonal nature of their game, have decided to give the boys of summer a run for their money.
To effect the balmy transformation, the teams will transform their footwear from ice skates to roller skates.
The players are not entirely comfortable with the proposal.
One star expressed concern, saying, “I’m really good on ice skates, but I never even put on a pair of roller skates.
|
- 8). Just Say No To Sex By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.)
"They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world – and now they see a practical way to proceed.
|
|
|
|
|
| New Humor Articles |
- 1). Are You Spreading Humor By : David Hill
My first thought upon seeing the subject, "Are you sharing humor?" was that it referred to comics or orators. After giving some thought to the subject I began to see that each one of us, at sometime or other, should share our humor.
|
- 2). The Party Store By : Matt Allen
Every now and then I like to frequent our local liquor store to stock my bar. Our neighborhood store is nothing special, but has what I need when I need it. I have never paid a whole lot of attention to the sign as I entered the establishment. The sign clearly states that not only do they sell beer and wine, they also sell party supplies. Great. You never know when a party may break out and having a store with party supplies at your disposal is nothing but a posititve thing.
|
- 3). An Efficient Commute By : Matt Allen
This morning, as usual, I was pressed for time. I had to be to my "9 to 5" especially early and I woke up late. Instead of rushing around more than I already had been, I thought I would take the time to finish my "getting ready for work rituals" in the car. After all, I have seen countless others in my rearview mirror and beside me in their cars do the same, so why can't I?
As I grabbed my things, I raced out to the car and started on the 32-minute commute to work.
|
- 4). Theory Of Evolution Challenged By French Chef; Cites Role Of Food And Wine By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While The Theory of Evolution has received numerous challenges since Darwin proposed it, none seems to have taken the scientific community with such devastating surprise as the theory recently proposed by a French Chef from Bordeaux.
The Chef, Andre Dumier, who operates a One Star Michelin restaurant just outside the city of Bordeaux, advanced the theory after contemplating what he considers the first requirement in the various stages of evolution – the availability of food.
|
- 5). Dick Cheney Enrolls At Dale Carnegie; Updates Curriculum By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Vice President Cheney, upon his return from a visit to former Soviet Bloc nations, during which he criticized Russian President Putin in unusually direct, if correct, terms, found himself suffering from shortness of breath. Hesitant about consulting a doctor immediately, he performed a self-diagnosis and realized that his condition was due primarily to putting his foot in his mouth with alarming frequency.
|
- 6). Movie Stars As Sources Of Wisdom By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Why do many people look to movie stars for answers to some of life's most challenging questions?
While we have great respect for the art of acting, as explicated from Stanislavsky to Strasberg, the latter of whom we knew well and were fond of, we have never understood how the usual snippets who decide to become actors ascend in the minds of the public.
|
- 7). Democrats Search For Platform; Find It In FDR's Basement By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Democratic Party, sensing electoral weakness in the war-ravaged Republican Party, began an intensive search for a platform that might lead to a rejuvenation of their own habitually unfocused and widely unattractive party.
Apparently, they have finally grown alert to the inadequate support provided by the random planking that has been delivered to them by various political strategists – usually, they now see, not deeply resonating and indubitably ethical ideas, but hardly more than sound bytes based on evanescent hot topics.
|
- 8). Oil Exploration Update: U. S. To Play Catch-Up With Cuba By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Startlingly enough, it looks as if the time will soon arrive when the USA will have to play catch-up with Cuba in oil exploration. The diminutive and destitute communist enclave that serves as Fidel Castro’s personal cigar plantation now realizes that it has enough oil reserves under its coastal waters to prop up its no-go economy for decades and, incapable.
|
|
|
- 10). Come Out With Your Checkbook Open By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Joey, daring the spotlights that were scanning the warehouse in which he was holed up, took a quick look out the window at the crowd below, and shouted, “Never, you dirty, rotten bill collectors!” Then he ducked back to the haven beneath the sill.
He recently got more into debt than usual – in fact, he found himself surrounded by it – and he was having a restless dream about the multitude of bill collectors who were haunting his mind.
|
|
|
