|
Home / Humor
There is no Security with Shaking Ground, Mad Shoplifters and Thieving Families
By:Jack Deal
Last night the ground moved. Again. It started a little after 8:00 and lasted about 15 seconds; a swaying motion rocking back and forth. It had been a while. Actually several years. This one was a 5.6 and was the biggest we have had since the 7.1 quake in 1989; you probably remember the World Series Loma Prieta earthquake.
That day in 1989 I was heading to get some hamburgers for the start of Game One when it hit. I had left early for the game but a number of employees were still in the building when it struck. My first thought was they had to be under the rubble and after checking on my family, I raced downtown.
Downtown Santa Cruz was devastated and I believe ten died; most buried under the rubble of unreinforced buildings over 50 years old. All our people were safe. But business was never the same.
That night we camped out in our backyard as the aftershocks continued. At about 3:00 I took off my shoes and stood barefoot on the ground. It was quivering like a bowl of Jell-O.
Just the other day my neighbor and I were recounting the post earthquake days. Some people took it very hard and actually got depressed even though no one in their family was hurt and the damages to their property were minimal. Why did some people just breeze right through it and others need months and years of counseling to cope?
And how could all this be? If there was ever anything in the universe that was secure it had to be terra firma or the ground beneath our very feet. At least that's what I thought up until then.
At that precise moment my perception was forever changed. No longer would I ever assume that the earth was solid beneath my feet. I knew that at any moment it could jump and roll and turn to a liquid nightmare. I don't worry about it but I know it can happen at anytime. And if the ground beneath my feet cannot be counted on, what can?
We just don't know when Al-Qaeda will attack, a drunk driver will hit us or the ground will turn liquid. How can we be presumptuous enough to feel we can avoid these and numerous other threats and risks to our security? Will the United Nations Security Council keep me and mine secure? And how about Social Security? And the National Security Council? Homeland Security? The security net
Helen Keller said that security does not exist in nature and therefore does not exist in mankind. We build bigger fences, more elaborate alarms and even hire "Security" companies to help us keep what we got because it seems there are a lot of folks out there that want what is not theirs. They don't want you and me to have security and to pay higher prices.
"It's a war and the shoplifters and crooked employees will steal everything," says Armand Aranda of Enterprise Protective Services. "Losses can approach 10%. These people are nuts; it's like they're crazy and angry. At that point the actual viability of the business is compromised. Employee theft can reach 50% of total theft; we've caught them loading up their pick-ups."
Great. So we have met the enemy and he's us. Our own people selling us out; sort of how Dog must have felt after he got shafted. How do we secure ourselves from ourselves? Do we call the security guard on ourselves? Code Blue, hurry quick, we're stealing from ourselves! Did Dog think he was secure?
So you see, there really is no security. When we feel secure we should start worrying because that is when Al-Qaeda or the Extremist Supremist Utopian groups do their harm. Actually we would be doing ourselves a favor by not getting too comfy. Like Dog you never really know who ends up coming after you...
"It's bad enough when it's your employees," laments Aranda, "but think what it's like when we have a video of your family stealing from your business."
My family? Egads. I never thought of that. One more security worry. Maybe the wife is stealing from me and I don't know it. She's definitely smart enough to figure out a way to drain me dry. You know, go through my wallet when I'm asleep and that sort of thing. Maybe I need to hire a security company. I'd have to get her permission first. Better not wake her up and ask her about it just yet. She probably would not be pleased.
"Security, that's a good one" she would laugh, "after roaming the world through all kinds of adventures and ups and downs you actually think I need security? What would I do with this security of yours when the Big Shaker hits? Will it protect my store from looters?" She would have a point there. And she would laugh until tears ran down her cheeks.
On second thought maybe I won't mention the security thing just yet. We sensitive guys need to make sure the timing is just right, no? And not do stupid things that can compromise what little security we may have. Because you never know when your family will start stealing from you, the vandals will ransack your store and the ground will turn to Jell-o.
What me worry? Security? Anyway, what would I do with it if I actually had it?
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: security, no security, Homeland Security, social security, security net, Security Council, UN Security, UN
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Jack D. Deal is the owner of Deal Business Consulting. Related articlesmay be found at http://www.jddeal.com and http://www.freeandinquiringmind.typepad.com
|
|
| Top Humor Articles |
|
|
- 2). Sun Will Only Burn For 5 Billion More Years; Humans Express Concern By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
We are often reminded that the sun will only shine in a way that can support life way out here on the earth for only about another five billion years. Sensing the eventuality of the cataclysm, we’re easily inclined to express our concern, along with our sympathetic distress for those far-off folks who will be standing on the earth when old Father Sol begins to turn down the heat.
|
|
|
|
|
- 5). Ken Lay Explains Behavior With Poem From Childhood: "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep." By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Ken Lay, the famously charming Texan from dirt-poor beginnings, who rose to be the toast of Houston before Enron, the company he founded, became toast, finally took the stand this week and, as expected, performed in his winning manner.
He based his defense for the debacle that occurred under his chairmanship on a poem that he maintains has shaped his behavior since his mother first read it to him when he was just wee high to an oil pump.
|
- 6). Inner Peace By : Unknown
By following the simple advice heard on The Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.Dr.Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace
|
- 7). Hockey Summer Season; Will Be Played On Roller Skates By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Professional hockey associations, long mournful of the unfortunately seasonal nature of their game, have decided to give the boys of summer a run for their money.
To effect the balmy transformation, the teams will transform their footwear from ice skates to roller skates.
The players are not entirely comfortable with the proposal.
One star expressed concern, saying, “I’m really good on ice skates, but I never even put on a pair of roller skates.
|
- 8). Just Say No To Sex By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.)
"They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world – and now they see a practical way to proceed.
|
|
|
|
|
| New Humor Articles |
- 1). Are You Spreading Humor By : David Hill
My first thought upon seeing the subject, "Are you sharing humor?" was that it referred to comics or orators. After giving some thought to the subject I began to see that each one of us, at sometime or other, should share our humor.
|
- 2). The Party Store By : Matt Allen
Every now and then I like to frequent our local liquor store to stock my bar. Our neighborhood store is nothing special, but has what I need when I need it. I have never paid a whole lot of attention to the sign as I entered the establishment. The sign clearly states that not only do they sell beer and wine, they also sell party supplies. Great. You never know when a party may break out and having a store with party supplies at your disposal is nothing but a posititve thing.
|
- 3). An Efficient Commute By : Matt Allen
This morning, as usual, I was pressed for time. I had to be to my "9 to 5" especially early and I woke up late. Instead of rushing around more than I already had been, I thought I would take the time to finish my "getting ready for work rituals" in the car. After all, I have seen countless others in my rearview mirror and beside me in their cars do the same, so why can't I?
As I grabbed my things, I raced out to the car and started on the 32-minute commute to work.
|
- 4). Theory Of Evolution Challenged By French Chef; Cites Role Of Food And Wine By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While The Theory of Evolution has received numerous challenges since Darwin proposed it, none seems to have taken the scientific community with such devastating surprise as the theory recently proposed by a French Chef from Bordeaux.
The Chef, Andre Dumier, who operates a One Star Michelin restaurant just outside the city of Bordeaux, advanced the theory after contemplating what he considers the first requirement in the various stages of evolution – the availability of food.
|
- 5). Dick Cheney Enrolls At Dale Carnegie; Updates Curriculum By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Vice President Cheney, upon his return from a visit to former Soviet Bloc nations, during which he criticized Russian President Putin in unusually direct, if correct, terms, found himself suffering from shortness of breath. Hesitant about consulting a doctor immediately, he performed a self-diagnosis and realized that his condition was due primarily to putting his foot in his mouth with alarming frequency.
|
- 6). Movie Stars As Sources Of Wisdom By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Why do many people look to movie stars for answers to some of life's most challenging questions?
While we have great respect for the art of acting, as explicated from Stanislavsky to Strasberg, the latter of whom we knew well and were fond of, we have never understood how the usual snippets who decide to become actors ascend in the minds of the public.
|
- 7). Democrats Search For Platform; Find It In FDR's Basement By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Democratic Party, sensing electoral weakness in the war-ravaged Republican Party, began an intensive search for a platform that might lead to a rejuvenation of their own habitually unfocused and widely unattractive party.
Apparently, they have finally grown alert to the inadequate support provided by the random planking that has been delivered to them by various political strategists – usually, they now see, not deeply resonating and indubitably ethical ideas, but hardly more than sound bytes based on evanescent hot topics.
|
- 8). Oil Exploration Update: U. S. To Play Catch-Up With Cuba By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Startlingly enough, it looks as if the time will soon arrive when the USA will have to play catch-up with Cuba in oil exploration. The diminutive and destitute communist enclave that serves as Fidel Castro’s personal cigar plantation now realizes that it has enough oil reserves under its coastal waters to prop up its no-go economy for decades and, incapable.
|
|
|
- 10). Come Out With Your Checkbook Open By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Joey, daring the spotlights that were scanning the warehouse in which he was holed up, took a quick look out the window at the crowd below, and shouted, “Never, you dirty, rotten bill collectors!” Then he ducked back to the haven beneath the sill.
He recently got more into debt than usual – in fact, he found himself surrounded by it – and he was having a restless dream about the multitude of bill collectors who were haunting his mind.
|
|
|
