Dealing with your past - Dating Article

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By:Tati

Humans are not only the product of their society, but the true product of their past relationships.

Let’s agree, that none of us are really perfect, so when we enter the relationship we bring along our past, weather it is your childhood memories and issues, or your very own relationship with people.

Some of us, do realize the repercussions of our previous relationship, and try to deal with those issues to put them behind and move on. And some of us are dragging our past relationship a long forever and ever, most of the time subconsciously, and some times really making them a part of our new or current relationship.

This is our basic tendency as humans, to learn our mistakes through our past and history, and then constantly being reminded of how to avoid it in the future. When we meet someone as adults, we automatically inherit our partner’s “baggage” so to speak. It is quiet inevitable to avoid meeting someone with out any type of past relationship issues. Most of us already had gone through our first and the most memorable relationship that identifies our ability to love and maintain our connection with our significant partners. The way the past relationship manifests through our current relationship shows in our ability to trust someone. For those who undergone a betrayal, infidelity, lies in their past relationships, will most likely question their new partner’s motives and behavior. So, how do we deal with our or someone else’s past, that may be affecting our current relationship? First, and for most it is our desire to be with someone who may be living in their past, and is having troubles overcoming it. If you find the most interest and compatibility with your partner, it is definitely worth it to try to figure out the cause of the problem, and make an attempt to fix it; or at least to improve the situation. For example, for someone who came out of the relationship where he or she was cheated on, you may be facing fidelity and trust issues with this person. Your partner has to also realize that, the whole world is not like that and that every person is not potentially a cheater. It will require some patience and understanding on your behalf, however it may all work out for the best. It is always hard to earn someone’s trust, and it is so easy to break it.So, show some compassion to your partner, prove it with your actions that you’re always there for them. They may just come out of it before you know.Some people seek therapy, and some just deal with the issues on their own.Either way, you can be a positive influence on your partner to help them to overcome their issue. Another important fact is, that the person who is dealing with his or her past, has to be able to recognize that she or he has a problem. And that he or she is still holding to the past that no longer exist, and it keeps her or him from having a happy future and a quality life. The person should be able to talk about it with you; accept what happened to them in the past, and try to find a solution to move on.For some people the problems have built up for such a long time, it almost becomes part of their personality and their way of interacting with others.For those men and women it is really difficult to have a normal relationship with someone. Their accumulated issues keep pushing their partners away from them, resulting the relationship to end. Most of the time, the person with this type of problem, either lives in denial, or doesn’t realize that this causing friction and aggravation in their relationship. Instead, these people try to use the defense mechanism, to put the blame on their loved one. So, they end up going from one relationship to another in a short period of time, with out any comprehension of what is really going on. Then there are also types of men or women who actually attract certain type of people who they are trying to avoid all their lives. I think subconsciously they are magnetized to them, because in the way that is what they are accustomed to, and they are thriving on their painful drama.In any of these situations, it will probably take a third party (neutral, like a friend or family) to get involved, to explain and open the eyes of this person. To make them see how they are hurting themselves and others. And it will also take the person’s agreeability to accept and adopt guidance and another person’s opinion and suggestion.

If you are the one dealing with your past, there are ways to overcome it. The first step is to find forgiveness and make some peace with the person or the situation you were involved in the past. It will release you from the undying affliction you have had for a long time, and give you a sense of harmony, clear conscience, and comfort. Second, try to have a positive outlook on the relationship in general, without sabotaging your relationship to fail. Confront your past, by either talking to the person you were involved with, or the situation you were involved in, so that you can make a closure. Find a spiritual guidance through meditation and prayers. If you and your partner both have the willingness to embrace supernatural powers, it will ramify your relationship to another level; it will refine your beliefs and give you new energy and passion for life.

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Tanya Wiseman
Los Angeles Singles Online Dating Service Coach