|
Home / Relationships / Dating
Handling a Controlling Man --The Fried Chicken Break up
By:Carolyn Bushong
On Friday night, Leslie and her live-in boyfriend of 8 months were at his mom's house for a fried chicken dinner, and Leslie took a few pieces home with her because it was so good.
Her boyfriend is a health food nut and doesn't eat fried chicken and rides Leslie about what she eats. He seemed to have an attitude when she got in the car with the chicken and made a comment about why she had to bring some home with her. Then he said, "Just don't get that greasy crap on my car seat! Let's stop and put it in the trunk!"
This was the beginning of the end as their argument began to escalate. She called him a jerk and asked why he was so angry. He said he wasn't angry and told her to stop telling him how he feels.
Then she said, "Never mind!," and threw the chicken out the window. The fight became vicious with name calling and even some shoving by the time they got home.
He once again threatened to move out, as he has done in the past when they fight. The last time he threatened it, she begged him to stay. But since she's in therapy and getting stronger, she's not allowing him to intimidate her anymore. This time she said, "Go ahead and leave if that's what you want!"
So he proceeded to pack up his things,calling her a hot head -- as he then shredded their photos, breaking the glass frames. Then he left. With the moving truck arriving on Sunday,he was completely out by Monday and staying on his mom's couch.
Leslie couldn't believe what had just happened! And since she now realizes what a control freak he is, she knew he was just trying to punish and intimidate her again by moving out.
By Monday night, he was apologizing and begging her to talk to him. She messaged him back that there was nothing to talk about.
When they finally did talk, he said it was her fault because she told him to leave and had lots of chances to try and stop him, but didn't ask him to stay. He then said he loves her and wants to still date.
Leslie stayed strong and told him there was no way she was taking the blame for what happened and that it's over because she will not give him the chance to hurt her like that again! However, she does still love him and wants to know what to do.
What should she do? Here's what Carolyn told her:
Let him know that the real issue here is his controlling, self-righteous, self-centered attitude,
and that his moving out is just a part of that.
To help him get it, tell him that you know he would not have been as disrespectful to a friend and said the same thing (in the same tone) if he or she had fried chicken in the car.
Then tell him that if you agree to date him again, he has to get into therapy and deal with his mother issues or whatever his personal issues are that makes him act like that with you.
Back the relationship up to closer to the beginning where you see him only a couple of times a week and let him know that he's on trial.
Don't fight with him about who's right and who's wrong -- that just causes escalation and gets you no where.
Instead let him know what you will and won't put up with by setting a boundary about how he treats you and a consequence such as, "Every time you act controlling or self-righteous with me, I'll say 'You're doing it again,' and if you don't stop, I leave the situation.
Don't let him move back in for several months (at least). This way you'll be able to keep the power and he'll be more motivated to change.
Should Leslie try all of this or just chalk it up to "Another one bites the dust!"? If he justifies his controlling, self-righteous ways, Leslie is wasting her time.
On the other hand, if he gets it and is willing to work on himself and change his bad behavior, she should go for it because she will grow as she stands up to him and teaches him how she wants to be treated.
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: controllng men, break up, advice with boyfriend, women acting strong, handling men
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Carolyn Bushong, a Denver,CO licensed therapist, helps
couples and singles in her office, on-line, by phone.
Author of: Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back
the Man You Fell in Love With, The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes. Has appeared on Oprah. http://www.carolynsays.com 303-333-1888
|
|
| Top Dating Articles |
- 1). Interracial Dating-Does It Turn You On? By : J Schipper
Interracial dating and intermarriage has increased in the last century due to greater human mobility and multiculturalism. It should be remembered that personal preferences and the presence or absence of prejudice are irrelevant to people who are born and die in the same town or city, which was often the case before the invention of the automobile and the jet plane.
|
- 2). How To Decide What Color Of Rose To Give By : Gregg Hall
Flowers have been given a special significance for centuries. They have long been treasured for their scent and their beauty. Perhaps nobody has esteemed flowers, however, as highly as the people of the Victorian age. For them, flowers were so important they even used them to convey secret messages.
|
- 3). Romantic Candles - Can You Handle the Results? By : Charles Welf
"Romantic candles not only lighten our path but also fill our lives and spirits with warmth and romance. The exuberant energy and smell exuded by the flame touches our heart and soul."
That quote is from a friend of mine that writes for a living. I knew he was a big candle guy so I asked him why he liked to burn them.
I then went on to ask my friend to put into words why candles are so romantic, I can’t wait for you to read his response.
|
- 4). Why Men Cheat By : Rod Hewitt
The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat. A man’s reason for cheating can...
|
- 5). Afro American Dating - A Guide To The Online Websites By : Steve Armstrong
Are you an afro-american person? Do you seek that special someone? This article will try making it easy for you in getting an on-line date. I will try to underline some of the ups and downs in on-line dating; why should you and why shouldn’t you try this type of dating.
Is it O.K.?
What's the difference between initial eye contact across a crowded room and an email via a busy dating website? Perhaps less than you think.
|
- 6). How To Succeed At Online Dating By : Stu Pearson
Dating is a fun and exciting adventure especially if you find someone that matches your expectations perfectly. Online dating is more like a blind date than you might think. So just how can you make your online search for a date a successful one? Here are some ways on how you can have a successful online dating experience:
Attitude is everything
Attitude is an important ingredient in ensuring dating success.
|
- 7). How To Approach College Women By : CollegeDatingGuide Staff
College life is very different when you were in high school however to some students, especially those who do not have a family member who has been to college, think that college is much like high school. But there are some very big differences. There are students who did not do well in high school, “blossom” in college. Others never get used to college life and do not do as well as they did in high school.
|
|
|
- 9). Can You Really Trust The Person You Are Dating Online? By : Alan Prince
Heather is a 42 year old American lady.Divorced with two children,she decided to try online dating to possibly get a new partner.
She signed up with one of the popular dating sites and set up a profile.The anonymity and security of online dating appealed to her and she hoped it would work out for her.
In a matter of days, she was contacted by a man who also claimed to be looking for a love relationship.
|
- 10). Writing a Profile With Spark By : F. Duru
A profile is an online representation of yourself so why not represent the best parts of you? There are four areas of a profile that you should keep in mind: honesty, creativity, research, writing. By mastering these areas, you will be able to write an excellent and self-elevating profile that can capture anyone's attention.
Part One: Honesty
Always.
|
| New Dating Articles |
- 1). What is Online Dating? By : Robert Gravener
Millions of people all over this world are looking for the person of their dreams. This article talks a little bit about online dating, the benfits and what it can do for you!
|
- 2). Making Divorce a Plague of the Past! By : Alex Mugume
Developed from the 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, this article shares the understanding needed to end the pain of divorce and domestic violence. The reader is empowered to separate fact from fiction.
|
|
|
|
|
- 5). First Date Tips By : David Thomas
Are you ready to go on that all-important first date? It will go smoothly and your relationship will get off to a fantastic start with these great first-date tips!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
- 9). Online dating web sites By : Netheo
Having a hard time being single? Online dating web sites could well be the answer to your dilemma. With millions of singles worldwide using online dating services it must be difficult not to connect with someone.
Whether your looking for someone for love, a good time, or even a playmate there’s something for every single. No race, religion, or body shape is ignored either.
|
- 10). Go Carefully Into Dating By : Rachael Cleipher
Whether you are fifteen or thirty-five, dating is something that should be thought about and done carefully. There are few if any areas of your life that you should proceed with as much caution in as dating.
Before anyone thinks of dating someone else, they should take some time to evaluate themself and their current life situation. Someone with large questions about who they are or about what want to do in life should be hesitant to enter into a dating situation.
|
|
|
