|
Home / Personal Development / Coaching
E.F.T. and Forgiveness
By:Robert Elias Najemy
We have found EFT to be a wonderful aid towards forgiveness. As with al goals we simply need to realize the obstacles towards letting go our resentment and then forgiveness is natural. Forgiveness, love and peace are our natural inner qualities. They are obstructed only when our beliefs and fears cause us to engage in various emotional defense mechanisms.
Thus, by methodically removing with EFT each such belief and emotion forgiveness and love become our natural state.
Here is a process we use in our self-knowledge seminars.
A. List of persons to forgive:
We make a list of people and what they have done who we feel we need or want to forgive.
Name of Person What they did
1. ____________________________________________________________
2. ____________________________________________________________
3. ____________________________________________________________
4. ____________________________________________________________
5. ____________________________________________________________
6. ____________________________________________________________
7. ____________________________________________________________
B. List of reasons we might not want to forgive:
For each of these make a list of reasons why you hesitate or feel resistance towards forgiving.
Consider the following possible obstacles to forgiving others:
1. We still feel vulnerable and are afraid of being hurt again if we forgive and prefer to keep an emotional distance,
2. We believe that forgiving means admitting that the other is or was right and do not want them to think so.
3. By not forgiving we are able to perhaps control them and make them seek forgiveness from us. If we forgive, we would lose this power.
4. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with our selves of our lives on someone else who is responsible. Forgiving would mean that we would either have to be happy or be responsible for the fact that we are not.
5. We falsely believe that forgiveness or love require that must let this person do whatever he or she wants – regardless of ethics or justice – and that this would be totally unacceptable.
Note: Forgiving and loving does not mean that we are obliged to allow others to do whatever they want, even it is unjust or unethical. We can feel unlimited love for them while we also assertively confront them concerning such behaviors. This is actually for their own good, as evolving souls. This is also important for us and our society as a whole.
This should be done steadfastly but also with as much love and understanding as possible.
C. List of reasons we want to forgive:
Consider some of the following reasons for wanting to forgive:
1. I will then be free from these negative emotions which are stressing my body and mind.
2. I will become more mature, taking responsibility for my reality.
3. I will free myself from the belief that others create my reality..
4. I will be free from the fears and illusions which obstruct my ability to forgive.
5. I will experience love again.
6. Since I would like others to forgive me for my mistakes, I would also like to forgive them for theirs.
8. Since I too have made mistakes and have behaved egotistically and defensively at times, then it is natural that I forgive the others for the same.
9. Only in this way, can I move forward to create conscious love relationships.
You may want to also refer to the list of truths which can aid our forgiving others at the end of this article.
D. Now, pick a person and issue to work with
Name of Person _________________What they did to us___________________
A. Write the reasons B. Write the reasons
why you do not want to forgive why you want to forgive
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
Reminder
As we employ EFT, our emotions, aspects of even experiences with we are working might change. In that case we may work on whatever comes up, always remembering, however, to come back to our original subject to check it out and bring it down if necessary.
E. Working with Aspects
While working on forgiveness we might need to work various aspects such as:
I. Emotions which we might have because we have not yet been able to forgive what happened
Note: We use two phrases when doing the set up.
A. We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap the side of the hand) repeating phrase "A" three times.
B. Then we repeat phrase "B" three times while rubbing the on the sore spot on the other side (or tapping on the side of the other hand).
C. Then we repeat the "C" reminder phrase while tapping on the 12 points.
A. Even though I feel some guilt (shame, self-rejection, self-doubt) because I have not yet been able to forgive _____________ for ___________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) because I have not forgiven.
II. Resistance towards forgiving
A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ about the idea of forgiving (person) ______ for (act) ______ I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) about forgiving
III. Emotions we have about what the other did
A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ concerning what (name of person) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
C. Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (other person’s name and what he/she did)
IV. Emotions which we had in the past when we first experienced the event.
A. Even though I felt /feel (emotion) ____________ because of what(name of person) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
C. Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (other person’s name and what he/she did)
V. Physical problems associated with emotions involved.
A. Even though I have this (physical phenomenon) ____________ in my (part of body) ___________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (physical phenomenon) ______ in my (part of body)_____.
C. Reminder Phrase = (physical phenomenon) in my (part of body)
VI. Childhood experiences similar to this event which make us more susceptible
A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ concerning what(name of person) _____ did ________(in Childhood), I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
D. Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (other person’s name and what he/she did)
E. A List of Truths Which will Help Us Forgive
Some truths which will help us forgive others are (some are based on various spiritual beliefs or Christian concepts which might not be acceptable to you or applicable to the issue):
1. All happens according to a divine justice and wisdom which brings me exactly what I need at every stage of my evolutionary process in order to learn the next lesson.
2. Others are simply actors in my life drama, the script of which I write daily.
3. Others are the hands of the divine showing me the direction in which I must go.
4. All are souls in evolution, who act negatively out of ignorance and fear.
5. Forgiving does not mean saying that what the other did was right, it simply means that I forgive his ignorance and weakness as a fellow soul in the evolutionary process.
6. Forgiving does not make me vulnerable. Still needing something (security, affirmation, love ) from the other makes us vulnerable. Forgiving and loving without needing any thing from the other is my real protection.
7. I am the sole creator of my reality. I abuse others when I hold them responsible for what I create.
8. I have the power to create my life and need not hide behind excuses that I cannot because of something which others have done or are doing.
9. As souls in the process of evolution we all make many mistakes. This is natural. What is unnatural is not forgiving ourselves and others for these mistakes.
10. The other is a divine creation. Although he may not realize it, the divine is functioning through him. Not forgiving him, is to not forgive the divine.
11. We create as much pain in the world when we feel hurt as when we hurt.
And the words of Christ
12. "Let he who has not sinned, throw the first stone."
13. "Judge not, that you be not Judged."
14. "You will be judged with the strictness with which you have judged."
15. Peter asked Christ, "How many times should we forgive someone for what he has done, seven times?" Christ answered, " No Peter, Seven times seventy times."
(See also truths for forgiving ourselves.)
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: forgiveness, EFT, energy psychology, communication, obstacles
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
Over 600 free article and lectures at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/
|
|
| Top Coaching Articles |
- 1). Learning To Love Ourselves By : Robert Elias Najemy
Our doubt concerning our self-worth is the main obstacle to our emotional and inter-relational harmony. This doubt is the cause of our greatest fears such as being rejected, laughed at, ignored, unloved, and most of all, of being alone.
|
- 2). How To Get What You Want By : Kristin S. Kopp
How To Get What YOU Want is as simple as learning to tie your shoes. The skills involved in intentional manifestation are available if you know where to look. If you’ve been getting mixed results, sometimes getting what you planned, sometimes missing your mark, read on…
|
- 3). The Manifesting Mindset for self improvement. By : Bill Boyd
For years we have been exposed to self help and motivational instruction that focuses heavily on the physical world.
For some this has been highly effective while for others this hasn’t always been the case.
Why is that? I believe that success comes to those who have the manifesting mindset.
What is the manifesting mindset? It’s simply thinking in a way that is in harmony with the universe.
|
- 4). Her Cries for help are Real!! By : Dorothy
Throughout my dealings with women from all over the world, I have met so many that are in a prison of pain and frustration. Through my website, they search desperately for a way out of this prison. They want so desperately to be heard.
Her Cries for help are genuine.She is not inventing her worries, nor is she so bored with her life that she is imagining things and creating her own miseries.
|
- 5). The Six Pillars of Inner Balance. By : Ineke Van Lint
Many people are building their inner balance and happiness on one single pillar. This is a dangerous situation! When you are resting on six pillars and one of them crumbles, there will be no need for drama.
|
- 6). Making Life Easier, With NLP Chunking By : Adam Eason
You know, in psychology there is a rule, especially within the NLP circles that I work in and the NLP literature that I read, it is quite a famous rule; 7 plus or minus 2 – this is the notion that the conscious mind can only keep track of between 5 and 9 discrete pieces of information at one time. Your unconscious can literally keep track of billions and billions of things at the same time aparently (clever thing that it is!), while your conscious mind is more one step at a time and it has a fairly narrow focus.
|
- 7). Strategy For Success By : Regi Adams
In the quest towards achieving success and accomplishment in our lives, a systematic plan of action is needed. Without a plan even the greatest of efforts will be ineffective, eventually degenerating into frustration and wasted time. A guided plan allows one to utilize his/her talents and competencies to the fullest, by focusing them in a coordinated and strategic manner upon a specific outcome.
|
- 8). Being an Emotional Victim By : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term "victim" brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Therefore, It comes as a shock to most of us to realize how often we allow ourselves to be emotional victims. Having counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, I know that many of us are victims much of the time without realizing it.
|
- 9). What does it mean to be an expatriate? Part 2 - How to choose your paradise By : Kimbles
As mentioned in Part 1, there are some countries that are very popular now amongst the expat community. They all have their own appeal and it can be quite confusing and stressful deciding as to where to start.
My proposed 10-step program is designed to help you decide on a country you would like to make your paradise.
Make a list of the world’s top overseas havens.
|
- 10). Dear Expats - Are You Ready To Take Up The Challenge For The New Year? By : Kimbles
It is that time of year again. Xmas is just around the corner and then a week later we will be toasting in the New Year. Streets, offices, and coffees shops are already buzzing with all the talk of the resolutions we plan to start on New Year’s Day. However, more often than not, the 1st of the year rolls around and we are still too full of the joys of the season to bother with our resolutions, but we resolve to start our plans in the new week.
|
| New Coaching Articles |
- 1). Mentoring a Protege - A Rewarding Experience By : Phil de Fontenay
Proteges are a common occurrence in the business world today. Experienced people in every industry often decide to "adopt" a protege-whether the arrangement is through a formal mentoring program, or an informal mutual decision to take a new employee "under your wing" and show him the ropes.
|
- 2). How To Overcome Shyness By : blueboy
This article looks into ways to help people break free from shyness. The advice is based from personal experience and I hope it will provide inspiration to many people.
As a child and well into my teenage years, I was a person who was often referred to as being very shy. Even though this description was true, I always longed to be as confident and outgoing as everybody else.
|
- 3). How to Teach Your Wife to Use Firearms By : David Nash
I have to say I started all wrong. On my first real date with my wife, I took her out to go shooting. Now my wife did not know where we were going and had not really seen me since I had left for the Marines. We dated a few times in high school but never really hit it off. Imagine how she felt when I surprised her by pulling into the local gravel pit.
|
- 4). Some Reality Testing Around Coaching By : Molly Gordon
Why get a coach? The answer was obvious to me after my eight years as a self employed creator of wearable art. I learned in those years that it was nearly impossible to simultaneously hold a vision, map out a path, walk that path and measure my own progress. I was so often distracted by the apparently conflicting demands of the marketplace and of my heart.
|
- 5). How Can I Teach My Child to Live Life to the Full? By : Robin OBrien
I have spent many years trying to develop my inner self. It has not been easy. Overcoming my fears, inhibitions and inertia was difficult, but the effort has been worth it and I believe I live my life to its full potential. But how can I teach my child to live life to the full?
The search for self improvement is full of self doubt. I have spent years exploring many avenues and techniques; not all lead to anywhere meaningful.
|
- 6). A Fear And Phobia Of The Future By : blueboy
My name is Steve Hill from England. In this article I am going to explain about how I have managed to turn my life around from one which was constantly living in fear, to one where I now look forward to the future. I hope this proves to be interesting and beneficial to anyone who reads it.
I was always the type of person who would be constantly worrying about many different aspects of life and who was seemingly always stressed.
|
- 7). The Search For A Stammering Cure By : blueboy
Anybody who has to live life with a stammer will know just how much of a hinderance it can make what fluent people see as simple tasks. Making a phone call, ordering a drink, going out with friends and attending a job interview can be very hard for people who stammer or stutter.
My name is Steve Hill and I am one of these people who have had to endure the affects of stammering.
|
- 8). Live The Dream Today By : blueboy
Have you an idea about how you could improve your life but do not have the confidence to make that dream into a reality? Have you a plan that you hope to implement when you are a little older, possibly when you are retired? In this article, I write about a dream I had when growing up as a teenager, a dream I made into a reality when I was in my early twenties.
|
- 9). Ways To Improve Your Lifestyle By : blueboy
Are you looking at ways to improve your lifestyle? Are you bored in your current role of employment? Do you think you could be achieving a lot more than you are at the moment? Are you seeking a new challenge? In this article, I give advice on how people can go about improving their lifestyle, this advice is based from my own personal experiences.
I believe that we should always be looking into ways of expanding our knowledge and should never just accept second best.
|
- 10). Improve Your Memory With These Simple Tips By : Royane Real
1) When you need to remember something important, find a way to create an image about it in your mind that is very funny or bizarre. Your brain easily remembers things that are unusual, or funny or scary, while it easily forgets things that don’t stand out in any way.
2) Make written lists of what you need to do or to remember. This will free up your brain to remember other things that are more important.
|
|
|
