|
Home / Relationships
How To Kill That Self-Destructive Monster Called Jealousy
By:Burrel Lee Wilks III
Les came to me a few months ago, fearful that his wife was having an affair. They'd been having problems, and she was spending more and more time out of the house, apparently out with friends. Les didn't believe her for a second, and spent the time stewing at home, dialing her cell number, and on more than one occasion, cruising around to see if he could see her out and about.
As soon as she came home, she'd be given a relentless grilling, and over time she shut him down entirely. Communication dried up, and the relationship was, it appeared, all but over.
He looked dreadful: tried, overwrought and overweight. His skin was bad, his breath was nasty, and he displayed all the classic signs of a guy who was being eaten up, from the inside out.
And of course all this desperation and jealousy was not only making him sad and sick, it was driving her further and further away too! His lack of trust in her was not only deeply insulting but was eroding anything good they'd ever had.
Now Les desperately wanted to get out of this horrible mess, and was willing to work with me to completely change his perspective and behaviors.
I can guarantee that letting your jealousy show is a fail-safe way to lose your dignity, dismantle your self-esteem and frankly, ruin your life! Nothing will ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. It creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. No one thinks clearly when they're jealous.
Having a relationship with a jealous person is no fun either. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even transforming them from lover and supporter, to enemy.
No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes being jealous. So how come so many people are?
In my experience there are a number of reasons, but the primary cause is a breakdown in communications, and this usually happens for one of two reasons:
Something has changed, and for some reason you don't feel able to communicate openly and honestly anymore...
Or perhaps one or both partners are manipulating their power by withholding information out of anger, hurt or even just plain thoughtlessness.
Both situations create communication "black-holes" which are then easily filled with fill fear, fury and fantasy.
Communication vacuums open up room for tons of tough questions from the jealous guy. "Has she found someone she likes better than me?" "Is she cheating on me?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Has she found someone richer, younger, funnier?"
When you're jealous you assume the worst:
"Maybe she'll fall in love with her personal trainer and leave me."
"She's going to lunch with her boss because she's having an affair with him."
"She's not answering the phone because she's in bed with some guy in a motel!" You know how that one goes? I bet you felt pretty stupid too, when she came in from the supermarket carrying loads of groceries, but even as you unpacked those groceries I bet you were still looking for clues that she'd been cheating!
Wow. We sure make life tough for ourselves sometimes.
So how do you handle these awful feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?
First if you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Open up the lines again. Don't be aggressive, defensive, confrontation or prickly.
Second, and just as important, you have to stop looking thirsty for reassurance. How on earth can she respect you, if you don't respect yourself enough to control your fears and paranoia?
Thirdly, you have to remind yourself why you are together in the first place, and understand that a relationship is only worth keeping alive if you CAN trust each other. If that trust is lost forever, then maybe it's time to move on.
Remember, jealousy is demeaning and humiliation. It is a sign of weakness and fear. In the end the fastest way to kill the monster has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. When you have great self-esteem, jealousy has no choice but to pack it's bags, and leave town!
Digg
del.icio.us
Blink
Stumble
Spurl
Reddit
Netscape
Furl
Article keywords: problem relationship, relationship trouble, relationship break-up, break-up, divorce, dating, first dates, great relationship, free relationship advice, free dating advice, self-esteem, self-confidence, break-up help, jealousy, help jealousy, stop jealousy, long-distant relationship, conflict
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com
Burrel Lee Wilks III is America's Most Authentic Life Coach! Find out more about this Streetwise MBA (Master of being Alive) at www.burrelstreetwise.com or subscribe to his free newsletter at www.TheBurrelReport.com
|
|
| Top Relationships Articles |
- 1). Nurturing friendships By : CD Mohatta
When we plant a tree, we take care of that plant from the smallest stage of growth. We not only nurture that plant with water, air and fertilizers, but also protect it from any damage. Friendship is one such plant. One has to take care of friends, as one takes care of the plants, one grows.
Most of us take friendship for granted. We believe that friends are always there, whenever we need them.
|
|
|
- 3). Body Language Secrets You Should Know By : Royane Real
Even when you don’t say a word, other people can still learn a lot about what kind of person you are and what you are thinking and feeling.
How do other people do this? By studying your body language.
The term body language refers to the messages you send out with your body gestures and facial expressions.
Some body language experts claim that only about 7% of our messages to other people are communicated through the words we speak.
|
- 4). How To Make A Relationship Last? By : CD Mohatta
For a relationship to last, there are few basic requirements. The rapidity with which relationships are breaking in the modern days is a matter of concern and we should try to find out how to make a relationship that lasts for a long time. The major factors that affect the survival of a relationship are as below -
Selection Of Partner - Sometimes, our selection of partner may be wrong.
|
- 5). Happy Friendship By : CD Mohatta
How to have happy friends? This is a very important question. Who likes friends who don't smile and laugh? Who enjoys meeting friends who look serious? Not any one of us.
What about ourselves? Do we make happy friendships? Do we make our friends happy? Before thinking about others, wouldn't it be better if we first analyze our own selves? Do we smile.
|
- 6). Tips In Solving Relationship Problems By : Dana Goldberg
It can not be denied that relationships have been considered as the source of a loving relationship that is full of support, enthusiasm and pleasure, whether the relationship is in the family or to somebody you are intimately in love with. And we would like to experience such a relationship to last until death. Hence, we exert so much effort in order to nurture and to make it perfect if possible.
|
- 7). How well do you know your own eyes? By : Pradeep Aggarwal
A quote
The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories that it has become to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet in this way that love begins and in this way only. The rest is only the rest, and comes afterwards. Nothing is more real than these great shocks, which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.
|
|
|
|
|
- 10). Erotic Hypnosis By : Abbas Abedi
A Little Romance Can Enhance Your Love Life
Nothing can enhance your love life better than a little romance. Enhancing your love life is something that every long term relationship eventually requires. Sooner or later your love life will be affected by the regular stresses of everyday life and many other factors that may make your love life seem lacking.
|
| New Relationships Articles |
|
|
|
|
|
|
- 4). 99 Days Left Until the NFL and Love Kickoff - Are You Ready By : Jaci Rae
With pre-season here and the NFL kickoff around the corner many men and women will have their love life tested. How will they survive? Jaci Rae, author of Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time - How to Score for Men and Women has the answers.
|
- 5). How Relationship Disagreements Can Make You Closer By : Donna LeBlanc
If you are like me, you’ve found yourself standing in the aftermath of a firestorm called a fight. You feel burned, damaged. Bitterness has taken root. Your heart, once open, is now closed—protected behind armor so you can’t be hurt again. Although you bury the pain, it smolders like a burning ember and pollutes your love or marriage relationship forever.
|
|
|
- 7). Pheromones To Attract Man By : Peter Vermeeren
Male Female Attraction through Pheromones
The only way the lower living beings like ants, butterflies, birds, dogs or even a tiger can communicate is through pheromones. The pheromones are the way they communicate as they cannot communicate through oral or written word. The communication starts when the particular species it at its very best to procreate and ends when the species is not in a position to attract the opposite sex.
|
- 8). Friendship Test- Do Friends Love Talking To You? By : CD Mohatta
You must be having a large group of friends. You also deal with many people in your job or business. You interact with people at every stage of your life. Do you find that you love talking to one person and avoid talking to another? You must have noticed that. What is the difference between these two persons? Why do you enjoy talking to one of them and avoid talking to another? What about yourself? Have you thought about that?
We enjoy talking to people who have the following qualities -
Listening - Good communicators are good listeners.
|
- 9). Relationship Test - Are You Continuing Without Pleasure? By : CD Mohatta
A relationship should be like a flowing river. Fresh, moving around and finding ways around obstacles. Enjoying a relationship should never be like a still pond of water that just exists. A relationship should have life and should never be a compromise.
But many relationships become like a pond. They began like river but are now stationary wondering where to go, and whether to exist at all.
|
- 10). Relationship Test - Are You Happier Being Alone? By : CD Mohatta
Many of us are of the types who are happy being alone. If such persons enter into any relationship it will invariably fail. Such loners want to be left alone and want no responsibility of others nor want others to take any responsibility of their. Are you one of them? Have you thought about this? Let us find out more.
What are the main characteristics of such people? The first is total independence.
|
|
|
