Karen Alonge Profile and Articles

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1). ... and she pushed them, and they flew! more inspiration for control freak parents
You cannot catch a child’s spirit by running after it. You must stand still, and for love it will soon itself return. -Arthur Miller

This became evident to me several summers ago, when I spent 6 weeks suffering with a severe case of hives all over my body. When the itching first began, the only way to find relief was to lie absolutely motionless.

My kids, who are delightfully self-entertaining, went about their business for the first few hours, checking in on me occasionally to see if I needed anything.

2). A Simple Trick for Avoiding Power Struggles with your Child
Avoid power struggles by telling your child what YOU are going to do rather than demanding, ordering or yelling at them about what THEY should and shouldn't be doing.

Here's how to invite a power struggle:

"Sam, pick up those blocks this instant!"

Sam, with his blossoming need for autonomy, naturally bristles at being ordered around. He takes a defiant stand by saying NO.

3). Ending the Battles over Homework
My son entered sixth grade this year, and he’s been very appropriately exploring who he is in relation to the many new freedoms and responsibilities that come with middle school.

It’s new territory for me, too, and it’s not always easy to know what is his business and what is mine as the boundaries change and expand.

After a pretty nasty fight over his choice of breakfast one morning, I realized that what he ate was no longer my business.

4). How Do I Get My Child to Be Polite?
Parents often ask me questions that start like this:

How do I get my child to ……?

Be polite … be considerate … be generous … share … etc.

Regardless of what fills in that blank, part of my answer is always the same:

… you don’t have to get your child to do anything!
Instead, you can show him or her by living your own life as an example, and making sure to notice and respond positively to any movement he or she demonstrates in the desired direction.

5). Joint Custody: 10 Strategies for Co-Parenting with an Uncooperative Ex
Almost six years ago, when the father of my children and I divorced, we wholeheartedly agreed to share joint custody of our two children, who were 3 and 6 years old at that time.

During our nine years of marriage, we had never argued about parenting philosophies or values. I saw no indication that parenting after divorce would be any different.

So,.

6). Overcoming Rejection
now that I am have swum a few laps in the online dating pool, I am cogitating another one of Karen's crackpot theories of life. it's about rejection. or not hitting it off. or not being compatible. or refusing to compromise. which could all be the same thing, more or less, depending on how you look at it. anyway, here's my theory:

it seems to me that the intensity of the reaction a person has to a 'rejection' is inversely proportional to the trust they have in their concept of a higher power.

7). Praise: Can Too Much Damage Your Child's Self-Esteem?
For the purpose of this article, I’m making a distinction between praise and sincere admiration. I see praise as an attempt to manipulate another’s behavior for your own ends. When you praise someone, you are doing it because you hope that they will repeat whatever behavior came before the praise.

This may be a good thing when you are training a dog (I don’t have a dog so I can’t say for sure), but I’m not sold on the idea of ‘training’ our kids with the verbal equivalent of scooby snacks.

8). Preventing Sibling Rivalry
I'm at the kitchen table writing on my laptop while my ten year old son tackles and pins the six year old neighbor girl in the living room. It's a wrestling match. When the kitchen timer rings, the next round will be my seven year old daughter against the eleven year old neighbor boy. Sometimes they do tag team.

To the casual observer I may look negligent, but I'm actually quite conscious of every move.

9). Pulling the Plug on Virtual Reality: Tips for Parents of Teenage Mouse Potatos
Any parent of a teenager today who sees their child’s face in full frontal view is lucky indeed. Many of us are accustomed to addressing the back of our offspring’s head, silhouetted against the glowing blue light of the computer screen.

It seems like pretty basic common sense that it can’t be great for a kid’s growing body to be sitting motionless in front of a screen all day, so I won’t bore you with all the research.

10). Rethinking Time-Out
Parents are often advised to put their child in time-out as a form of discipline. While this sure beats the old-fashioned method of spanking as a behavior management tool, it still presents a few problems. Not the least of which is … who’s gonna make him go?

If he refuses, and you pick him up or drag him over there, haven’t you just resorted to controlling your child using physical force? And how much different is that, truly, from spanking?

I have a proposition for you.

11). Sticks and Stones: Are You Unintentionally Driving Your Child Away?
So I was sitting in my office surfing the web, uh, I mean, working, when a voice on the street in front of my house attracted my attention. Being the nosy and ever vigilant I-work-from-home-so-I-know-everything-that-happens-around-here sort of busybody, I jumped right to the window to preserve my know-it-all status.

Two boys, from the size of them probably in ninth or tenth grade, were sitting on their bikes in the middle of the street talking to a woman in a red minivan.

12). Stop "Shoulding" on Yourself: Parenting without Resentment
Parenting extroverted children sure can be exhausting for an introvert. Constant noise, questions, chatter. No room in my head to hear myself think. Actually, now that my kids are finally in bed, and I CAN hear myself think, I realize that I’ve been having problems setting boundaries lately.

When I have a project to complete or an email to write or a phone call to make, I haven’t been remembering to just say so and declare a certain amount of uninterrupted time for myself.

13). Tapping Your Child's Inner Motivation
This article addresses some practical questions raised by parents in response to my suggestion that praising too much is actually counter-productive while trying to motivate our children.

~~ But if I’m not praising and not punishing, what do I do instead? ~~

Try simply communicating your sincere admiration, gratitude, and appreciation when it arises.

14). The 7 Biggest Mistakes of Copy Writing
The single most important skill to master regardless of the business you are in is Copy Writing. You must acquire the skill to craft a sales message that sells. You can either do it yourself or pay someone who has the skill with a proven track record to write your copy.

15). The Day I Tried Saying Yes: Inspiration for Control Freak Parents
You know how sometimes the most profound conversations with your kids occur in the midst of totally mundane activities? Well, last night I was parking the car at the grocery store, and my 8 year old daughter says to me in a voice full of awe, “Mom, did you know that some kids assume their parents are going to say yes?”
Sensing a bigger context here, I asked a few questions.