Humor Articles

1). Pope to Rule On Condoms And AIDS; May Consult People With Hands-On Experience By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Pope Benedict, taking an unexpected and courageous step, has asked for recommendations from fellow ecclesiastics about whether or not a couple, in which one member has AIDS, may use condoms for the prevention of disease. We assume, however, for the greater glorification of the Church, that neither he nor his advisers are at the expert level when it comes to either topic under consideration.
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2). Gossip: What People Say About It By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. What might one say under the influence of a confessional potion when asked, “Why do you always talk about other people?” We imagined the reply, “Apparently, because I have nothing much to say about myself.
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3). How I Feel About Pirates By : Charlie Hatton
Pirates are BAD because they steal booty from other people. The only people that should get to steal booty from other people is me. Also, I should get a pet parrot. And get to say, 'Arrrrr!' whenever I want. Pirates are GOOD because when I do pretend I have a pet parrot, and I walk around saying, 'Arrrrr!', people know I'm acting like a pirate. If pirates had never existed, people might think I had a speech impediment, and some sort of kinky parrot fetish.
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4). When snail mail meant something By : Jan Michaels
When snail mail meant something

5). Diary Complaints By : John Sammon
My wife keeps a diary, and sometimes leaves it open with the last entry in view on the coffee table. I'm a person who wouldn't want to read another person's diary, even my wife's, diaries being personal. But out of a corner of my eye, on the diary page, I saw my name. I couldn't help reading. "I can't let John's negativity get to me," the diary read.
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6). How NOT to handle bad breath By : Kingston Amadan
We've all been there. You round the corner to your cubical ready to start the day's work when you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker's bad breath. "Here we go again...", you think. "Another 'H'-filled tirade that won't ever permeate my ears because I'm too busy trying to keep it from permeating my nose." "So anywahhhhy," continues your co-worker, "Hhhhank Hhhhenshhhhaaw from Hhhhuman Reshhhhourcess told me ouhhhhhr 401k plahhhhn is an outstahhhhnding invehhhhhstment optiohhhhhn.
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7). Surgeon General Uncertain About What Hospital To Check His Grandmother Into By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Surgeon General, after reading the results of a recent report about the alarming number of fatalities in U. S. hospitals that are due to preventable human error, was uncertain about what hospital to check his grandmother into when he learned that she was suffering from shortness of breath. He decided the time had come from decisive government action.
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8). Man Loses Memory; Shows Up At Emergency Room By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
A frantic businessman rushed into the emergency room, threw his attaché case on the reception desk, and exclaimed, “Nurse, I need help!” The noise woke her up, and she said, “What?” “This is an emergency!” he said. “You’ll have to take your place in line,” she informed him. “What line?” he replied, looking around. “The place is empty.” “Oh,” she admitted, and held out her hand.
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9). A Revised History Of Pasta By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While Marco Polo, a Venetian, is generally given credit for discovering noodles in China, recent research suggests that Italian pasta in all its glorious varieties was actually discovered in Rome nearly a century earlier, and quite by accident, by a remarkably unlikely epicurean named Julius Amplonius, with the able assistance of an invading barbarian named Klunk, The Great.
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10). Medical Researcher Discovers Cause Of Asinine Behavior By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
There you are, talking to someone, who, you assume, is intelligent. Then, quite unexpectedly, he or she says something that makes you realize that, like it or not, you’re talking to an ass. Now, a researcher believes he has accounted for the sudden turn of events. In an article in the prestigious New England Journal of Medical Hot Flashes, he explains that he at first intuited the probability of the upper body’s rotational capability and then did a study that involved observing people in an MRI while they talked.
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11). Despite Hurricane Season, Weather Still Better Than On Moon By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While last year’s hurricane season made people who reverberate with manifestations of climate change shake their heads at the thunderous weather, we must admit that, despite its destructive force, the weather remained significantly better than that to be found on our placidly windless neighbor, the moon. Actually, having ascertained better weather than on that silvery disk, we wonder where else in the slightly traveled solar system we might find weather more clement.
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12). Gone Fishing For Trivia By : Deanna Mascle
1. We all know that fish travel in schools, but do you know some other plural fishey names? A. Clutch B. Shoal C. Draft D. Wave E. All of the above F. None of the above G. B and C G. B and C TBD: It should have been wave though, don't you think? 2. Can you name the phobia that means a fear of fish? A. Ichthyophobia B. Limnophobia C. Entomophobia D.
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13). Another Dracula, Another Flop By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
This week Warner Brothers joined the Walt Disney company in attempting to transform Broadway from a venue with a whisper of hope for social relevance into one that presents works that are the intellectual equivalent of Mickey Mouse caper. If Disney could do it with, for example, The Lion King, why couldn’t Warner Brothers find a property to achieve Broadway fame and fortune with? Unfortunately, their imaginations never soared higher than redoing the Dracula legend, based on a contemporary author’s odd novelistic take on it.
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14). Trout Season Opens: Fishermen Wade In, Trout Leap Out By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Trout season opened once again on or about April 15th, which is about as early as winter’s icy topping breaks up and floats away from our waterways. This year, as every year, fishermen by the thousands celebrated the occasion by wading in streams, creeks, and brooks to seek the wily residents. Feeling crowded by all the booted legs, the trout generally jumped onto the bank, to while away the day with frequent jests about the persist fools mulling about in the frigid water.
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15). Hispanic Immigrants Demonstrate; "Illegal" Not In Spanish Dictionary By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Hispanic immigrants demonstrated by the thousands about what they claim is their right to become citizens of the land of the gringo. While we welcome the effort of everyone who wishes to become a citizen of our free and frazzled nation, we did note that there appeared to be no distinction made between immigrants who reside here in placid legality and those who do so with anxious illegality.
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16). Things I have learned By : Jan Michaels
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. But if you do, sleep in the bathtub ... If you are extremely drunk and swear you will never drink too much again, you will forget this when you are sober. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "Government.

17). Cell Phones and the Dentist By : Cynthia Pinsonnault
Don't you just hate people who talk on their cell phones while they drive? Blindly babbling away, not paying attention to the road, endangering everyone nearby … so inconsiderate. Anyway, today while I was chatting on the phone and driving to the dentist, I got a tiny bit distracted and turned onto the wrong road … twice. But I cleverly figured out a shortcut back to where I belonged and pulled into the parking lot right on time.
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18). Misspelled Scriptures By : J Square Humboldt
One way to confirm that cyberspace is the great equalizer is to observe the quality of editing that exists ... I am truly amazed at the mangling endured by the English language on a significant number of sites. It's fair to assume that this malady has its roots in short attention spans during the school years. As a result, accuracy is often the first victim of poor spelling and grammar.
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19). JazzFest In New Orleans Kicks Off Without Jazz By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Jazzfest in New Orleans, intended to revive the sodden spirits of the land of legendary jazz greats, went off, oddly enough, with comparatively little jazz. There was, in conspicuous unlikelihood, Bruce Springsteen, who did manage a soulful rendition of When the Saints Go Marching In. Also on hand was the legendary jazz performer Elvis Costello.
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20). U.S. Ends Oil Dependency; Turns B.S. Into Fuel By : Tom Attea
While America is experiencing a gasoline shortage, the nation’s dependence on foreign oil is about to end. A researcher at The Department of Energy, from which breakthrough ideas emanate on a regular basis, noticed that Americans, along with most people who ever lived, have a virtually unlimited and renewable supply of B. S. He wondered if it might be turned into fuel.
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21). Twelve Simple Rules for Sucking Less Than 'Eight Simple Rules' By : Charlie Hatton
America is a country of sitcom watchers. We all like a nice chuckle now and again, but unfortunately the good shows are outnumbered, outgunned, overwhelmed, and often obliterated by the bad. In an effort to stem the tide of inane, sugary pap gushing down our satellite feeds, here are a dozen ways to improve the average -- and significantly below-average; I'm looking at you, 'Yes, Dear' -- situational comedy: 1) Do not include a laugh track.
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22). Bin Laden Releases Another Audiotape: Hideout Too Dark For Video By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Apparently, unable to contain his enthusiasm for bumming out the relatively nice and unsuspecting folks who make up much of the Western World, the misinformed medievalist has released another drearily threatening audiotape. Since the combined political, military, and intelligence resources of the civilized world cannot locate the potato head, we suggest the audiotape be taken as an opportunity to arrest him.
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23). Reality Shows We'll (Hopefully) Never See By : Charlie Hatton
Just when it seems reality TV has hit rock bottom, a new and ever-more demeaning show emerges to set the bar even lower. Here are a few of the offerings that don't exist yet -- but just wait until the suits at FOX and UPN get wind of these ideas. Ambush Boobjob: In this exciting makeover extravaganza, we give a team of plastic surgeons a van, a bottle of ether, and one mission: endow, endow, endow! They'll roam the city, looking for flat-chested women to 'enhance'.
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24). Timothy Ward's Great Coloring Book Rebirth By : Timothy Ward
I bought a coloring book yesterday from Wal-Mart. I hadn't colored in years and I got the strange urge to out of the blue. I also bought a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. The box says they are non-toxic which is a relief. I just wonder who sells the toxic crayons and how they compare in price to the crayons I bought. Some people may consider having a radioactive glow about them the same color as the crayon they justed used to be a great feature for which they would gladly pay extra.
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25). Under A Cuban Moon By : Bill Dollar
HAVANA,May 20 (www.cubanet.org) - Cuban authorities have implemented strict security measures at the embarkation points for the small ferries crossing Havana bay.Now, before boarding, all passengers must go through a metal detector. Newly posted signs warn passengers they can’t carry furniture or birthday cakes… You know how it is on a stormy night.
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