Political Satire Articles

1). 100 Pounds Of Marijuana Found At Home Depot: Sold As Grass Seed By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
An unsuspecting contractor drove to his nearby Home Depot to buy a vanity. When he opened it, besides the usual shelves, he discovered two 50-lb bricks of marijuana. Police were summoned and invited to the garden shop, where they were told the marijuana was being sold as a new kind of grass seed that offered entertaining prospects for homeowners and landscapers.
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2). Just Say No To Sex By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.) "They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world – and now they see a practical way to proceed.
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3). Bill Clinton In Secret Talks With Hillary; Agrees To Run For Vice President By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Former President Bill Clinton has been holding secret talks with his wife and wannabe President Hillary and has, the rumor mill informs us, agreed to be her Vice Presidential candidate. In an exclusive interview, he confided, “Even though I want to help Hillary in every way I can, it wasn't an easy decision. After all, if you remember, I was the President.
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4). PBS Fires Cinderella; Calls Display Of Bare Foot Scandalous By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
As if it wasn’t enough that PBS, the bastion of culture at the broadcast level, fired the host of the toddlertainment, ‘The Good Night Show.’ Reason given: The sweet thing, by the name of Melanie Martinez, who is beloved by moms and kids alike, appeared in her ancient history as an actress in two videos spoofing public service announcements that advocate teenage sexual abstinence.
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5). Tom Cruise Renounces Scientology; Becomes Muslim Fundamentalist By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Tom Cruise, the biggest male box-office attraction in American cinema, that is, until he recently displayed a variety of astonishingly off-putting antics, has now taken another dramatic step in his imaginative quest to end his career, which was largely based on his once seemingly cute and innocent appeal. Much to the dismay of his millions of fans, the film icon has renounced scientology and become a Moslem Fundamentalist.
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6). Dick Cheney Enrolls At Dale Carnegie; Updates Curriculum By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Vice President Cheney, upon his return from a visit to former Soviet Bloc nations, during which he criticized Russian President Putin in unusually direct, if correct, terms, found himself suffering from shortness of breath. Hesitant about consulting a doctor immediately, he performed a self-diagnosis and realized that his condition was due primarily to putting his foot in his mouth with alarming frequency.
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7). Come Out With Your Checkbook Open By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Joey, daring the spotlights that were scanning the warehouse in which he was holed up, took a quick look out the window at the crowd below, and shouted, “Never, you dirty, rotten bill collectors!” Then he ducked back to the haven beneath the sill. He recently got more into debt than usual – in fact, he found himself surrounded by it – and he was having a restless dream about the multitude of bill collectors who were haunting his mind.
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8). Hockey Summer Season; Will Be Played On Roller Skates By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Professional hockey associations, long mournful of the unfortunately seasonal nature of their game, have decided to give the boys of summer a run for their money. To effect the balmy transformation, the teams will transform their footwear from ice skates to roller skates. The players are not entirely comfortable with the proposal. One star expressed concern, saying, “I’m really good on ice skates, but I never even put on a pair of roller skates.
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9). Movie Stars As Sources Of Wisdom By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Why do many people look to movie stars for answers to some of life's most challenging questions? While we have great respect for the art of acting, as explicated from Stanislavsky to Strasberg, the latter of whom we knew well and were fond of, we have never understood how the usual snippets who decide to become actors ascend in the minds of the public.
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10). John Updike Pens Novel, Called “Terrorist.” Critics Laud Originality By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Adding another semiprecious stone to his distinguished crown as a royal purveyor of uneasy fictions, John Updike is touting the publication of his new novel, titled “Terrorist.” Since you may be uncertain about the subject of the book, it’s about a young terrorist in, of all places, America. In case you’re intrigued about whether Mr. Updike finds something sympathetic in his portrait of the terrorist, he certainly does.
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11). Iran Accepts European Nuke Deal: Includes Instructions On How To Make An A-Bomb By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
European nations negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program initially offered the upstart threat a free light-water nuclear reactor. The President of Iran, however, responded by becoming petulant, calling the offer a "colonial" insult and demanding to know if we think he’s “a child.” Determined to reach an agreement in a way that would avoid the.
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12). Democrats Search For Platform; Find It In FDR's Basement By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Democratic Party, sensing electoral weakness in the war-ravaged Republican Party, began an intensive search for a platform that might lead to a rejuvenation of their own habitually unfocused and widely unattractive party. Apparently, they have finally grown alert to the inadequate support provided by the random planking that has been delivered to them by various political strategists – usually, they now see, not deeply resonating and indubitably ethical ideas, but hardly more than sound bytes based on evanescent hot topics.
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13). Oil Exploration Update: U. S. To Play Catch-Up With Cuba By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Startlingly enough, it looks as if the time will soon arrive when the USA will have to play catch-up with Cuba in oil exploration. The diminutive and destitute communist enclave that serves as Fidel Castro’s personal cigar plantation now realizes that it has enough oil reserves under its coastal waters to prop up its no-go economy for decades and, incapable.
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14). Mexican Immigrants Flock To National Guard; Hope To Patrol Border By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Mexican immigrants, upon hearing of President Bush’s intention to send the National Guard to patrol our borders with Mexico, flocked to Guard headquarters across the nation to sign up for duty. While waiting in line, an applicant, Carlos Amigos, exclaimed, “The President has given us a truly wonderful opportunity to help our families and friends in Mexico.
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15). The Da Vinci Code; This Year's Biblical Box-Office Bonanza By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
The Da Vinci Code is now off and running as this year’s megabuck Biblical controversy. Question is, why do we seem to be afflicted with such a nearly annual entity? Slight thought reveals the obvious. Given the big numbers that a major studio has to turn to make a return on a movie, it’s hardly a wonder that they keep turning to what they, in their needy bottom lines, consider the biggest subjects available.
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16). Humanist Terrorists Nabbed In Miami; Planned To Plant Explosive Books By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
A group that calls itself humanist terrorists was apprehended by the FBI in a preemptive strike in Miami. The terrorist cell, which claims affiliation with the Middle Atlantic terror group all-Libraries, was infiltrated by an FBI operative. The leader of the group confided to the informant that the members planned to plant explosive books in various locations throughout the United States, including the Sears Tower, a number of FBI buildings, and radical Muslim mosques.
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17). Muslim Women Prepare Undercover Rebellion; Use Internet To Order Bikinis By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Muslim women, condemned to wear, even when sandy temps soar, clothes that curiously resemble what nuns usually wore before they lightened up their outfits, are rumored to be preparing a rebellion that is scheduled for a date that is being kept under wraps until it breaks out, to the horror of Muslim men, in scant bikinis. Order takers at online bikini retailers note an unprecedented surge in orders for the scanty attire from Muslim nations.
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18). Prime Minister Of Iraq Visits Washington; Promises To Buy New Shaver By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki made his first visit to Washington, where he met with President Bush, who noted that, despite the Prime Minister’s efforts to shave every day, he has a persistently dark and generally unelectable stubble. Mr. Maliki admitted the difficulty and agreed that he would make every effort to buy a new shaver. In a later.
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19). Pat Robertson Confesses! God Upset With Him; Tells Him He Lost His Mind By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
In the wake of having reported that God told him Tsunami-like storms were likely to hit the U. S. coasts this year, Pat Robertson appeared on his TV program visibly shaken, and announced, “God has told me something else, and it’s something I didn’t want to hear. He said, ‘Pat, you lost your mind.’ “Naturally, I was surprised and asked why he would ever think such a thing of me.
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20). Bush And Blair Admit Mistakes In Iraq; Vow To Continue By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Meeting in Washington, Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush took to the podium to admit that everything in Iraq has not unfolded as they had hoped but the President insisted, “We've learned from our mistakes, and, if the past is any indication, we will continue to make them." Prime Minister Blair added, “And you can be absolutely certain that we will continue to learn from them.
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21). Luciano Pavarotti Loses Weight The Easy Way; He Had A Tumor Removed By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
A conspicuous aspect of Lucky Pavorotti’s extraondinary career as an astonishingly sweet- voiced opera singer has been his legendary but largely failed battle of bulges everywhere. While he has had his weighty ups and downs, he has spent most of his career on the high up side – so much so that his knees have lately objected to supporting the rest of his gifted hulk.
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22). Bush Vetoes Charcoal Grill Bill; Cites Carbon As Fundamental Component Of All Life By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
As expected, George Bush exercised his veto power and expunged the controversial Charcoal Grill Bill that the Senate and the House, growing wiser about the promise of science, bravely passed – without, however, enough votes to override his ill-considered flick of the pen. The bill would have allowed federal funding for barbeque research. It was the first veto of his presidency.
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23). A Life Of Lorenzo Da Ponte:Talent Flies; Practical Reason Walks By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Among the world’s favorite operas, we find three of them with a libretto penned by Lorenzo Da Ponte and music by none other than the astonishingly delightful Viennese ear-confectioner Mozart. The list is a delight in itself: The Marriage of Figaro, Don Giovann, and Così Fan Tutte. We learn in the new book, The Librettist of Venice, by Rodney Bolt,.
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24). Theory Of Evolution Challenged By French Chef; Cites Role Of Food And Wine By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
While The Theory of Evolution has received numerous challenges since Darwin proposed it, none seems to have taken the scientific community with such devastating surprise as the theory recently proposed by a French Chef from Bordeaux. The Chef, Andre Dumier, who operates a One Star Michelin restaurant just outside the city of Bordeaux, advanced the theory after contemplating what he considers the first requirement in the various stages of evolution – the availability of food.
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25). Dolphins Know Each Other By Name; Also Play Poker On Saturday Night By : Tom Attea/NewsLaugh.com
Dolphins, which we already know are unusually bright, especially for mammals without arms or legs, are apparently even smarter than we suspected. In a recent study of dolphin behavior, it was determined that the clever mammals can make a series of squeals and squawks that another dolphin will recognize as his or her name. What has not been widely reported is, the dolphins, once their ability to talk was discovered, were willing to engage in a far more detailed description of their plans.
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